Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
.......and I'm loving it !
Monday, December 7, 2009
A sermon, a call,
To the winds of the storm
Of the raging seas...
"Come to me oh gigantic waves,
Rise and engulf me in your doom.
Crush me and break me
To pieces infinite,
And then ~
From each fragment,
Let loose a melody,
Of a lonesome shepherd's flute,
Resonating in the meadows and reaching the skies.
Let those notes then
Merge with your vigour
And my shattered elements,
And let the world see~
Rising out of the havoc,
A form ~
Of the spirit of the fire
And rhythm of the soul,
Defying your might,
And rising to the unfathomed skies..."
Monday, November 23, 2009
......till the day he died.
In the last days he had become physically very weak...so could not go out for strolls in the evening...so rather than doing nothing about it, he found a way out ~ he would sit in the parking area of the building every evening. Sitting there, he would chat with the people of the society he knew, reflect, have some fresh air and then come back as it would begin to get dark. Every evening as I would return from work, he would be sitting there, and wave at me. Now, as I return from work, I know that he would never be there with his smile and his wave.
Dadaji, the emptiness created by your absence will never be filled... But you will keep on living in our hearts always...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The moon is peeping through my window flooding the dark corners of my room and my heart. Its feels enchanting...especially today, as it holds a special significant, today being the 'Karva Chauth' night ~ the festival which celebrates the love and sacrifice of the relationship of a husband and wife. 'Karva' means clay pot and 'chauth' means fourth night after the full moon. The wife fasts the whole day without food or water for the long life of her husband. She breaks her fast only after moonrise. At moonrise she sees the moon through a sieve and then sees her husband's face through the same sieve, and only then does she take her first water sip of the day. The couple then lovingly eat food together.
Looking at the 'chauth' moon peeping in my room, I think of all this and imagine the happiness it must have spread tonight by peeping into hundreds of windows and balconeys where couples must be waiting patiently in love and togetherness for it to engulf them in its silver beams...
While I sit alone in my room, particularly aware of my loneliness, I wonder why is the moon peeping at my window tonight, when all there is in here is me, with no story of how I fasted the whole day and no face to see through the sieve and wishing that I had that special someone to get engulfed in this moonlight with. I keep looking at the beautiful moon and suddenly as if to answer my question, the moon shines just a little brighter, as if to say ~ "So what if there is no one? I am there in the sky, always with you...you just have to look". I smile back and engulf myself in that heavenly glow of the silver beams ~ and to celebrate the beauty, love and all that this day signifies, I bond with the moon.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
KNOW NO FEAR.
There is only one decision to be made as time runs out.
Is this something I can control or something beyond my control?
Act accordingly, aware of your decision.
With His grace and the blessings of my parents, family and friends, the operation went well without any complications. I did not panic while entering the operation theatre and in the few moments under the operation lights, just before they put me to sleep with anasthesia, I could feel an inner strength and a hear a voice from my inside which said~ everything will be fine.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Those who were meant to be~
Love is a bird, set it free,
If it was yours,
It will come and sing known songs on your garden's tree.
Maybe it happen only in movies...
Maybe in real life, it flys away and finds new trees,
To build new nests...
And sing new songs..
But even if it is so,
I will not let it fade the song in my heart...
I will keep singing,
In the solitude of my garden,
And in the music of that known memory...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I was soft, white and pure, glistening in the soft golden sunlight and peaceful under the starry sky. I was tranquil and joyful. Not having anything, not wanting anything, I was above every need or desire. There was a deep blue sky around me, embracing me. I knew no pain, no sorrow no hate...my head was bowed and my spirit was high, in surrender, in solace, in love, in ecstacy of oneness with the universe.
And then a powerful wind blew, and I started changing, melting, moving and flowing. Gliding down the mountains in the wide emptiness. I didnt know what was happening. I was separated from my tranquility, my existance, my everything. Without any control I was flowing in rhythm and vigour. Initially I was confused and scared. But then gradully I started enjoying the ride. Looking around me I saw the tall trees, their dark barks and their glistening leaves. I could smell them and feel the intoxication. I could see colourful flowers and feel their softness. They were all calling out to me, fondling me, playing with me. I was feeling overwhelmed and I started playing with them. Sprinkling on them my whiteness and and teasing them with my cool bubbles. I was happy again. I wanted to play with them forever. Hear their praises for me and feel their love for me.
But soon I found they were going away from me. I was moving and they were not. I couldnt stop and they couldnt flow. I was feeling sad. I wanted them. I needed them. I wanted to be loved and desired and I wanted to play with them, to feel happy. There were rocks in my way. They made my flowing difficult. I didnt know what to do with them. They were making me struggle and I didnt know how to. Gradually I learnt that I couldnt move them, I had to make my way through them. I had to accept them and learn to be patient and tolerant. My friends the trees, the grass and the flowers couldnt have help me. I was alone in my journey and it was upto me to wind my way through those boulders. It was my lesson and I had to learn it. I started accepting the rocks and made friends with them. My persistence payed ~ They smoothened out and my journey became comfortable and enjoyable. I was happy again. I had learnt a lesson and I intended to remember it
As I flowed on, I found myself mellowing down. I was no more burstling and bubbling and teasing. I was maturing. There were green and golden fields around me, waving to me in the soft breeze. There was red and black soil on my banks, clinging to me like children to their mother. There were children playing in my lap, sprinking my cool water over each other. Jumping in my open arms and embracing me. There were tired, thirsty travellers, feeling calm and fulfilled by drinking my cool, clean water. I started feeling an overflowing love for them all. I started pouring myself into them. I gave myself completely, they flourished, I learnt the joys of giving. They were happy and so was I. They needed me and I felt I belonged.
But I knew this joy wasnt forever. I was still moving, flowing, not knowing where I was headed to. I had forgotten where I had come from and what I was earlier. All I knew was that I was the life force of that terrain. I was attached to the childern playing on my banks, to the women filling their buckets from me, farmers who depended on me for their crop. I was attached to the soils that clung on to me, to the leaves that fell onto me from the trees, and floated gracefully over me. But I knew that a time would come when I would move on and would have to leave all of this behind. But why? For what? This was my world. Why did I have to leave it. I felt like I had been there forever. The question keep bothering me. And the fear of losing everything one day kept troubling me.
One day a wandering saint came over to my bank to wash his tired face, hand and feet. He sat by my banks with his eyes closed, and I saw his illuminated face ~ tranquil and joyful, without any need or desire. It reminded me of something. For a moment something stirred inside me, and I felt a longing for something. It seemed something of my own, but I couldnt understand what was it that I was reminded of. I felt an overpowering need to ask him about this, about myself, who I was and where was I going, what was the purpose of my existance. Why did have to keep separating from everything I get attached to. Why did my joys not last forever. The saint slowing opened his eyes, and looking at me, he smiled ~ a peacful, loving, all-knowing smile. And then he said, "Oh pure river, enjoy this journey of yours, love, give, take, but dont get attached, dont forget what you are, where you've come from, and where you are going. Your journey is for your purification, for learning the lessons which are yet to be learnt, not for being attached to anything that touches your banks. In this journey you've learnt acceptance, tolerance, persistence and selflessness. You've learnt how to give selflessly and how to love truly. You've learnt to spread happiness. You've learnt how to take eveything that comes your way and keep flowing in your flow. You have learnt many lessons but there are a few yet to be learnt, and so you must keep flowing and be yielding. You are a part of the purest and at the end of your journey you will be unified to that purest. Flowing through different terrains, living through different experiences, one day you will reach your true destination and merge into that Ocean of love and purity. And from there you will be distilled into your true form, where there is everlasting joy. So keep flowing, oh river, but dont forget who you truly are. Always remember the golden gleam that used to touch your whiteness in your purest form, when you knew no need or desire, when you were truly joyful." Saying this the saint smiled again and went on his way.
And suddenly I remembered what the saint's tranquility had reminded me of. I could feel the blue sky embracing me, the pure whiteness around me and that feel of oneness with the universe. Immense joy started flowing through my waters and illuminated I started dancing with joy. The fields started singing for me, the children around my banks started clapping joyfully, and the trees and the wind started dancing with me. I had found who I was and where I was headed to. With this knowledge, I started flowing more gracefully and more lovingly. Loving everything, but not getting attached.
In this journey I am going to learn my lessons, and one day I am going to merge with my Ocean. I am going to find my true form. I am going to merge in that everlasting joy.
This is what my journey is all about.... Isnt this yours too?
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Four Movies You Can See Over and Over:
I cant think of any…I think I lack the patience to see a seen movie again, even if I have loved it...
Four Places You Have Lived In:
Four TV Shows You Love(d) to Watch:
Presently ~ there are none.
Earlier ~ there were a few (which included the likes of Friends, Everybody loves Raymond...etc)
-Uttaranchal (Nainital, Ranikhet, Binser, Almora, Kausani)- beautiful hill stations
-Diu (A lovely beach on the western coast of India)
-Bhandardhara (a lesser known uncommercialized place in a hilly range of Maharashtra~ with a beautiful lake surrounded by hills)- we had camped in a tent by the lake on full moon night...
Four of your favorite foods:
-Pasta in cheese sauce
-Rice with paneer cooked in kashmiri gravy
Four Websites You Visit Daily:
-Yahoo, gmail, rediffmail
(Actually I try to.. :) Due to time constrainsts, I am not able to be as regular as I would like to on these and also am not able to vist a vew more that I would like to .... if Ido get some more time on hand, I wud surely want to dedicate some time on my flickr account...have quit orkut and am inactive on facebook, these used to be my daily feed some months back....)
Four Places You Would Rather Be:
-Somewhere close to nature, in a quiet town in some valley, surrounded by woody mountains, with scent of trees heavy in the air…would love to live in a basic cottage in a place like this…exploring the bouty of nature and the goodness of people..
-The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
-The Bridge across forever (Richard Bach)
-Primal Fear (William Diehl)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Let me take you through some colourful darkness ~
On a trip to surmise.
See it, feel it ~ and conclude;
before It's winter
The rain of my eye dries...
Through the shadows of the lane
Where lovers meet and part
Smell if you can ~
The unfulfilled longing,
Floating on a lake of desire
Writhing with ecstasy and pain
See far away the desert dunes merging
In the skies of the morrow...
And watch their regret rising
When the drops of tempting water
Quench their thirst
But washes away the learning...
Look now the moon waxes and wanes...
A forgotten song
Flows in the thick air,
And the pretty butterfly
To the colours of her chains…
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Well, we both did leave the company we were working for at that time in 2004. We walked our own ways, and now when we met after 5 years, we were talking about what twists and turns life had taken in all these years.
He had moved on to work for a pharma company in Hyderabad in quality assurance department, stuck there for 5 years, in the duration did his masters in business administration (sponsored by his company), and started working in Project management department ~ a field completely different to what he was working in earlier, and recently he joined another pharma company, back in Ahmedabad, working as a project manager.
I don’t think in his answer to the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now ?" any of this was featured. He had never thought of doing master in business administration or changing his work profile, or for that matter staying in hyderabad for 5 years and then coming back to ahmedabad again!
I for my part, on leaving the company where I was working 5 years back, took a long break from work for personal reasons, worked in a completely different field ~ assisting in direction for documentary film and anchoring for stage shows, went to mumbai to work for a company of my own field (pharma) for two years and then as fate would have it joined back in the same company in ahmedabad where I was working 5 years back. Working in this company for almost 3 years now.
In my answer of "Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now ?" also, none of this was expected ! Not in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would be working into the fields that I did. Nor had I imagined that I would come back to work in this same organization that I had left 5 years back.
While talking about all this, we could feel how our lives were led by something much more powerful than us, something that has planned the course and milestones for this journey called life.
In the light of this whole thing the above question and whatever answer we think to it seems quite superficial. Probably a question like this might be helping the interviewers to get a peek into the candidate's psyche or guage his/her's ambitions in life. Who knows, they might also be more or less succeeding at. But I feel that while such questions may have some meaning in the corporate world, they seem meaningless looking at the bigger picture of life.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Few drops of olive oil...
…..Notes of music rise in the background…..
Slowly reaching you and engulfing you like a fragrance…
You dance in it a little and then,
Come back to heat of the fire ~ softly tickling the olive oil...
"....Silver coins that jingle-jangle,
Dancing shoes that dance in time
All the secret of her dark eyes,
They did sing a gypsy rhyme…"
Don williams singing in his velvety voice ~ softly tickling the soul...
In goes some pieces of celery, onion & garlic…
Shwish…………….sings the saucepan too.
Some stirring ~ to a golden brown colour,
Some colouring ~ with the freshly made tomato sauce
Next song begins ~
"Come away with me in the night
Some more stirring..
Parsely and a few more Italian herbs…
~Gains of white salt ~
Blending into the redness...
In goes the boiled penne into the inviting blend..
Filling up the senses,
~Promising delight and fulfillment ~
Eventually ~Pasta looks cooked~
Just the right blend~
Of taste and aroma,
Of seen and unseen,
Of hunger and food,
Of vision and form,
Of wishing and creating
Of wanting and receiving
Of colour and music
Of body and soul…………
"I'm going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou
Where the folks are fine
And the workd is mine, on Blue Bayou
Where those fishing boats,
With their sails aboat
If I could only see ~
A familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes,
How happy I'd be..."
The music continues……
Monday, June 1, 2009
“I’m not upset…you don’t have the power to upset me...you don’t matter that much…” Kate Winslet says in the movie “The Reader” to Ralph Fiennes.
Those who don’t matter to us can’t upset us…I agree with this. Why should I be affected by someone’s behavior towards me whom I don’t consider important enough..? Why should I let even small seeds of negativity germ inside me by the words or actions of those who don’t count..? But on saturday at work someone not at all significant in my life did something and I got upset...! I guess the person didn’t matter, but by what he did, my self respect (maybe ego..) got hurt... and I reacted accordingly…didn’t show my hurt in an outrageous way, but walked out of the scene. Wouldn’t have left, had this thought of him hurting my ‘I’ had not come into my min...
now feeling somewhat bad about my own reaction...
Reflecting on the whole thing on how differently I should have reacted I feel that I should have stayed positive, I should not have let my equilibrium be disturbed any bit at all…I should have thought that let him think and behave in anyway he wishes ~that is the choice that he is making...I should not have let my false ‘I’ come in the picture…and should have chosen to stay in my undisturbed positive frame of mind…
The road is long ~ full of pebbles of different shape, and turn...
The journey’s just begun, Miles and miles ahead to learn...
One lesson learnt...hope to remember it...
Friday, May 29, 2009
How beautiful...! Isnt this what love really is..? Unconditional and pure...
This is love...as it should be...as it was meant to be...as it always was...and will always be.....
Monday, May 11, 2009
Do you believe in destiny? Do you think you choose your destiny or does your destiny chooses you? Do you think anyone coming in your life has purpose to fulfill or is it mere chance..?
Standing at this turn on this journey of life I am thinking about the incidences of my past ~ trying to understand what the choices I had made at different times in my past ~ knowingly or unknowingly, which brought to me the present as it is before me today. What made me what I am today...What would have happened had I not chosen the things I did choose? How would the picture of my life be standing in front of me today ? But back then, was it possible that I could have chosen something else to what I actually chose? Did I actually have a choice or what happened was inevitable...?
What I am today is the result of the experiences that I've had in my life, of the incidences that happened with me, of the laughs that I laughed and the tears that I cried, of the feelings I felt, of the thoughts I thought, of the people that I met....or didnt meet...That brings me to another question ~ why do we meet the people that we meet in our lives? What is the purpose..? Why do only a few people out of the hundreds of people that we get to know in our lifetime actually matter to us, actually makes some difference to us...? And why them..? Why not anyone else..? I guess probably because we are tied to those people by some threads of destiny.. . Probably because they are a part of the choices that we make in our lives, knowingly or unknowingly. Probably we have some connection with them from some other lifetime and we need to fulfill the things left unfulfilled then or complete something which was left unfinished then...Or say something or hear something which was unsaid or unheard then....So in a fascinating way everything seems connected ~ our destiny, our past, our present, our future, everything happening or not happening our life, everyone coming and walking out of our life...
So, what do you think? Do you believe in destiny? Do you think you choose your destiny or does your destiny chooses you? Do you think anyone coming in your life has purpose to fulfill or is it mere chance..?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
I was given letter ~ "L", so here I go with the things I love with this letter ~
1. Light ! ~ absolutely love watching it's play with different things, different situations ~ at different times of the day...
4. Long exposure shots ~ love the unpredictability of the way the trails will be formed as per the unpredictable movement of the light source...
5. Limes ~ oranges and lemons ~ Love their vibrant colours and freshness
6. Liquor chocholates ~ mmm :)
7. Long drives on breezy nights with soulful music…
8. Living loose ~ mentally and physically
9. Lilies ~ specially white ones !
10. Lip gloss ! ~ I dont think I can step out of my house without it !
11. Life ~ Its quality of how in even the worst of struggles, it always holds a hope for a better situation...
Wish I could have said “Love” in this list ~ but I don’t think I know it that well to have justified writing it here…but I do hope that someday when I am on my death bed and someone asks me 10 things I love with “L”... :) I would be able to justify saying ~ “Love” then… :)
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Tea and music ~
...an unbeatable symphony.
Solitude of the night,
Soaking in the feel of
Eddie Rabbit singing ~
"I love a rainy night..."
Beatles singing ~
"All you need is love..love is all you need"
Agreed. But where do you find it..?!?
"Hey, Jude, dont make it bad, take a sad song and make it better....
And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain,
Dont carry the world upon your shoulder..."
One more round of tea hearing to the mushy, velvety voice of Norah Jones humming~
"Money's just something you throw, Off the back of a train,
Got a handful of lightening, A hat full of rain,
And I know that I said I'd never do it again,
And I love you sweet baby... but I always take the long way home"
And then Don williams ~
"I dont believe in heaven waits for only those who congregate
I'd like to think that God is love,
He's down below, he's up-above
He's watching people everywhere, he knows who does and doesnt care
And I'm an ordinary man, sometimes I wonder who I am...
But I believe in love, i belive in music, i belive in magic... and i believe in you...."
Yes, I believe in music..I believe in music...After a long..long time, music happy again...and a voice inside sings along with the soulful Doors~
"When the music's over, turn off the light...
Music is your special friend, dance on fire, it intends,
Music is your only friend ~ until the end......"
Getting tingled in the soul and riding on a high of music.......Time for another tea......!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
What I did and felt on this day is another story, but something that my dad did yesterday touched me and made me reconsider my present shaky stand on love. My dad is a very simple person, who though a very warm hearted and loving person is not very used to displaying his affection openly. This year for the first time in 22 years of my parents' married life, he got a rose for mom for valentine's day! He came back from work on his usual time, he got the medicines that mom had asked for, and got a pink rose, which without any ado he handed it to mom, wished her a happy valentine day.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The pink of life
Says to me ~
"There will be an answer,
Just let it be..
Take off your old stuffy clothes,
And paint yourself with some colour from me..."
I think ~ maybe I should not resist...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Scarlet tagged me in this game of 6 random things about oneself…Its interesting and I am game for it...So, here I go first posting the rules and then the writing 6 random things about myself (Actually I broke the rule and went ahead to write 7 things...but I’m sure nobody will mind :))…
Here are the rules ~
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.
Some things about myself ~
1. I can relate myself with a river ~ have never been able to stay in one place, one thing or one situation for long ~ love it and hate it!
2. I am a bundle of contradictions ~ I love the rains and the sunshine, partying and meditation, simplicity and style, rock and country music… luxuries and roughing it out…. the list goes on...!
3. I am unbelievably bad at handling my finances, tax returns and stuff like, to the extent that I don’t even remember my total salary package….which infuriates my sister, who is a banker! And I don’t really care for money, but love the things money can buy..! :)
4. One of my aims for my life is that I want to be able to play one musical instrument really well before I die ~ working on flute and guitar ~ On a highly positive note, I will end up learning both of them really well ! :)
5. I simply love green chilies and nobody else in my family does. But when I cook I cant help but be generous with the use of green chillies… and those days we run short of dessert..!
6. My childhood was spent in Kashmir (a beautiful hilly place in India which is known as the ‘Switzerland of India’). We had fields of roses behind our house and our garden had bushes of huge white snowball flowers…vivid memories of those days still bring the smell of that air to me…
7. I have learnt that things change, people change, situations change, but life has to move on…acceptance and letting things be is better than resistance. (well, actually am in the process of learning it…)
Now I tag ~Om
Do let me now when your entry is up...will love to read about you.......
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
But God had some other plans for our New Year eve..! Dad suddenly got ill on 31st evening and had to be admitted in the hospital immediately. Dad was completely well earlier with no sign of any kind of sickness. So this hospital episode caught all of us completely unaware…! The parties were cancelled, food order cancelled, everyone was informed about this sudden mishap..
And our New Year eve was spent in the hospital room by dad’s bedside, looking over him. At the strike of midnight, we quietly raised a toast to his health with glasses of water and welcomed the New Year 2009…
The first day of the New Year and the first week were spent at the hospital ~ taking care of dad, meeting the doctors, discussing medicines, buying medicines…
Dad is fine now and has come home today. After spending 5 nights at the hospital, today I, Vibha (my sister) and Sunny (my sister’s husband) will be finally sleeping at home !
All these days Mom, me, Vibha, Sunny ~ were literally living in the hospital. But the amazingly thing is none of us felt any strain or stress of the situation. Reason ~ We all were there with each other giving mental, physical and emotional support to each other.
With this, the stressful time turned out to be an opportunity when all of us realized how important a family is and what a huge difference it makes to have someone by your side in difficult times.
These days at the hospital turned out to be a bonding time for all of us, when we all had willingly cancelled all our individual commitments, plans and activities to be there at the hospital to be a support to each other. When none of us cared about our personal comfort, or personal preference. All that mattered was dad should get fine and till that happens, we all should be there with each other, for each other.
There was so much warmth, love and selflessness in those days at the hospital that it went a long way in reinforcing our relationships with each other and also in dissolving the minor differences which seep-in at times if not checked. This togetherness in tough times rejuvenated and our belief and love for each other.
So the New Year which seemed to have started on a bad note, actually started off with a beautiful beginning. and turned out to be the most unforgettable New Year till date.
Had this mishap not happened mom and dad would have been enjoying in their party with their friends and me, Vibha and Sunny would have been enjoying in our party with our friends….
But God had some other plans for our New Year eve..! He wanted us to share that splendid strawberry cake in the hospital room, surrounded by the warmth of love and not on the dance floor in the flowings of cocktails and loud music…. He wanted us all to welcome the New Year together, in the right way, with the right spirit…
And as this New Year began with this positive note, I want to make a new year resolution, that this year I will take special efforts to make everyone who matters to me happy, and make them know how special they are to me…. Heres wishing whoever reading this post a wonderful new year of love, peace and togetherness......
That's mom, dad, Vibha and Sunny in the pic...and me behind the cam...