Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Trip to surmise

Hold my hand and close your eyes
Let me take you through some colourful darkness ~
On a trip to surmise.
See it, feel it ~ and conclude;
before It's winter
And before
The rain of my eye dries...

Through the shadows of the lane
Where lovers meet and part
Smell if you can ~
The unfulfilled longing,
Floating on a lake of desire
Writhing with ecstasy and pain

See far away the desert dunes merging
In the skies of the morrow...
And watch their regret rising
When the drops of tempting water
Quench their thirst
But washes away the learning...

Look now the moon waxes and wanes...
A forgotten song
Flows in the thick air,
And the pretty butterfly
Clings ~
To the colours of her chains…


Rhapsody said...


Shubhajit said...

Dear Sister,

I like the way you say colourful darkness..It convey the eternal truth of life that there either no darkness nor light..

And the rest of the verse seems very romantic to me but somehow I feel like a strange contradiction(or say confusion. Some of the phrases twitch my heart.

Lots of love.

the walking man said...

In the fifth line take away the contraction "it's" and replace it with "it is"...in English the line needs the extra syllable.

That said Jagriti...There is a wonderfully erotic tenseness to this piece. It took me a few readings to taste some to the flavor of it, but once it hit me, there it was to be enjoyed! We should be well pleased in knowing that even though some of the learning may have been washed away, it was well replaced with new knowledge.

Hopefully the butterfly learns her chains are gossamer threads not strong enough to keep anyone captive for long.

Well Done, very well done.

Jagriti said...

@rhapsody: thank you :)

@shubhajit: though some words are touching romantic realms...i hv tried to create the feeling of wistfullness, longing, regret, passion, pain, helplessness and nostalgia in a general sense, applicable to other situations too...

i am glad the poem could touch your heart in some way...

@walking man: i agree the 'it is' sounds much better..

and thank you, with compliments coming from u on a piece of poetry, i'm honoured.

...the butterfly is learning to see through the chains and to begin with making her ownself free from them...i guess this a part of those drops of water that had seeped in and turned into knowledge..

DPhatsez said...

Loved your pics too!Frickin' great!

i also noticed you like the Doors!
Check out this post of mine

If you know the song, you're at a natural advantage :)

Scarlet said...

Bittersweet and beautiful. I'm leaving touched but sad.

Jagriti said...

@Dphatsez: thank you for your appreciation...glad u liked the pics..

yeah i love doors..have heard and liked 'the end'...liked ur post too..hv just commented on it..

@ scarlet: thank u scarlet..i'm gald the poem could touch u...

the walking man said...

Be careful in the heat Jagriti.

Jagriti said...

@ walkingman: :) thank you..i will..had been out of town travelling for the last couple of days..

Mariana Soffer said...

Most of us cling to the colours of our chains, cause they are beautiful, and cause they make you think you are safe.

I loved it when you said

"When the drops of tempting water
Quench their thirst
But washes away the learning..."

marvelous and wise words, it is like that in life, when you fall in to the temptation, the main problem
it brings you is that is doesnt let you learn, so the cycle perpetuates eternally, no evolving is made, Because the extasis that the tempting object provides completelly blurs your mind.

Jagriti said...

thank you mariana ~ for ur appreciation and ur visit in this space...

i'm glad u liked the poem and could feel all that in the words...

we all are bound in shackles of our minds, of our notions of self and otheres, of our conditioninigs...of our weaknesses and strengths, of our desires and regrets, of our wantings and havings... and the worst part is that so attached we are with them that even when we know the beauty of the chains is deceptive ~ we cant let go of it...!!

"Earth wind and rain and fire,
Wealth power love desire,
One goal to live for before we die,
One taste of glory,
One mouthful of sky..."