Sunday, April 13, 2008

Reflections during the battle...

The battle is on. It has been going on since the time I took my first breath in this world. Only, that I realized it much, much later. I guess I was sleeping or dreaming all the time, and when I woke up I saw myself surrounded by the enemy’s troops. But by then the enemy had already sabotaged my forces, had spies in my camp and I was left alone to fight this battle. I could have chosen to ignore it all, gone back to sleep and not given a damn about anything. But I chose to fight and here I am ~ finding myself struggling and falling and rising and then again falling…feeling depleted of energy and then recharging myself and coming back with new strategies to combat the enemy. There are times when this whole struggle seems worth and there are times when I feel exhausted and disappointed and gloomy and I feel like dropping my weapons and letting the enemy catch me, tie me up in chains and throw me in some dark cell. Where it would be so dark that nothing would be visible, not even any thoughts. And that would end it all.
But there is something living in me which is not letting me do that, which is pushing me to fight till the last breath. Something in me which says that this struggle will be over, the efforts will be worth and the enemy would be defeated. So I believe and hang on, but I only wish the enemy I am fighting wasn’t my own self.
"Earth wind and rain and fire,
Wealth power love desire,
One goal to live for before we die,
One taste of glory,
One mouthful of sky..."