Saturday, September 26, 2009

Of fear and faith

21st September 2009 ~ a date i will always remember, as the day when i went through the very first surgery of my life ~ a surgery to remove two tumors (dermoids) from my pelvic region. One 8 cm in diameter ~ around the size of an orange, just above my left ovary and other 3 cm in diameter above my right ovary. The medical term is bilateral ovarian dermoid. The operation was done by laproscopy and lasted for 2 hours.

Discovering these two dermoids was an incidental, chance discovery. Since they were not causing any pain or discomfort in the area, I never had any reason to suspect their existence. The doctors said the dermoids are I cant say for how long I must have been carrying these in my body! It was as if they werent existing at all....but all the while they were there, silent, potentially dangerous, and in a rare possibility ~ malignant.

Lots of confirmatory tests followed the chance discovery ~ specialized sonography, MRI, consultations with the experts, seeking second opinions, discussions and then the final conclusion that the dermoids had to be surgically removed and the sooner the better. So, well, it had to be operated that was once fact. And the other was that I was damn scared..!

Another reason to worry was that since one of the dermoids (above the left ovary) was very big (8 cm) the doctors were of the opinion that they might have to completely remove one ovary ! ~ the thought was scary.

And the last but not the least ~ I believe that I have a very low pain threshold ~ at least for physical pains.

Given all this, going through the operation was a lesson for me ~ to face my fear and to learn to have faith on the almighty.

I just read the following lines in walking man's recent post ~


There is only one decision to be made as time runs out.
Is this something I can control or something beyond my control?
Act accordingly, aware of your decision.

And I can so relate to it, since that is what I had done. Evaluated the situation as something that I cannot control, and then decided to leave everything into those hands which could control it ~ the hands that bring us into this world and the hands that take care of us in this world. So the day before the operation I put all my apprehensions and fears into His hands, and folded mine in a silent prayer for strength and blessings.

With His grace and the blessings of my parents, family and friends, the operation went well without any complications. I did not panic while entering the operation theatre and in the few moments under the operation lights, just before they put me to sleep with anasthesia, I could feel an inner strength and a hear a voice from my inside which said~ everything will be fine.
My both ovaries reamined intact. The biopsy report of the dermoid showed no malignancy.

And in the post-operative days the pain has been bearable and the recovery good. I've resumed work from today!
I guess this post does have some medical mumbo-jumbo, but I wanted to share my experience with you all, and to thank the almighty and my family and friends for their love and support throughout.


the walking man said...

Jagriti...I am sorry that you had to go through the operation yet glad that you learned to put trust and faith where trust and faith should be.

There will always be a point where the control passes from our hands to those of another and in learning that we have to trust another we are more easily able to use faith to ensure that trust is well placed.

You did well in the learning and the recovery. May you continue to grow in that spirit.

Scarlet said...

I am happy to learn you made it through your operation without any fear, placing your trust and hope in the one who brings us into the world and takes us out (I like the way you worded that).

Walking Man's quote is a good one. I'll have to remember it.

Jagriti said...

thank u walking man for your words of are a constant source of inspiration.

thanks for your concern scarlet...facing things bigger than our deal does help in creating that faith...i hope to keep it unshaken...

Lakshmi -Celebrations said...

jagriti,i didnt know yeah,i am sorry,didnt read the post might be.hope u are all fine .may god bless you.

Capt. Anup Murthy said...

Oh, I somehow lost touch with your blog in between and just got to read it! I could feel that you started off scared, that would be anyone's natural reaction but so glad that in the end you had so much inner strength to get you through this procedure. I wish you well, the very best in health all your life. Take care.

Jagriti said...

@ Lakshmi & Capt: I am perfectly fine now..thank you for your wishes and concern.

Wishing you a Happy Diwali :)

"Earth wind and rain and fire,
Wealth power love desire,
One goal to live for before we die,
One taste of glory,
One mouthful of sky..."