A known memory

Those who were meant to be~
Will be.

Love is a bird, set it free,

If it was yours,

It will come and sing known songs on your garden's tree.

Maybe it happen only in movies...

Maybe in real life, it flys away and finds new trees,

To build new nests...

And sing new songs..

But even if it is so,

I will not let it fade the song in my heart...

I will keep singing,

In the solitude of my garden,

And in the music of that known memory...

A river spoke to me...

I was soft, white and pure, glistening in the soft golden sunlight and peaceful under the starry sky. I was tranquil and joyful. Not having anything, not wanting anything, I was above every need or desire. There was a deep blue sky around me, embracing me. I knew no pain, no sorrow no hate...my head was bowed and my spirit was high, in surrender, in solace, in love, in ecstacy of oneness with the universe.

And then a powerful wind blew, and I started changing, melting, moving and flowing. Gliding down the mountains in the wide emptiness. I didnt know what was happening. I was separated from my tranquility, my existance, my everything. Without any control I was flowing in rhythm and vigour. Initially I was confused and scared. But then gradully I started enjoying the ride. Looking around me I saw the tall trees, their dark barks and their glistening leaves. I could smell them and feel the intoxication. I could see colourful flowers and feel their softness. They were all calling out to me, fondling me, playing with me. I was feeling overwhelmed and I started playing with them. Sprinkling on them my whiteness and and teasing them with my cool bubbles. I was happy again. I wanted to play with them forever. Hear their praises for me and feel their love for me.

But soon I found they were going away from me. I was moving and they were not. I couldnt stop and they couldnt flow. I was feeling sad. I wanted them. I needed them. I wanted to be loved and desired and I wanted to play with them, to feel happy. There were rocks in my way. They made my flowing difficult. I didnt know what to do with them. They were making me struggle and I didnt know how to. Gradually I learnt that I couldnt move them, I had to make my way through them. I had to accept them and learn to be patient and tolerant. My friends the trees, the grass and the flowers couldnt have help me. I was alone in my journey and it was upto me to wind my way through those boulders. It was my lesson and I had to learn it. I started accepting the rocks and made friends with them. My persistence payed ~ They smoothened out and my journey became comfortable and enjoyable. I was happy again. I had learnt a lesson and I intended to remember it

As I flowed on, I found myself mellowing down. I was no more burstling and bubbling and teasing. I was maturing. There were green and golden fields around me, waving to me in the soft breeze. There was red and black soil on my banks, clinging to me like children to their mother. There were children playing in my lap, sprinking my cool water over each other. Jumping in my open arms and embracing me. There were tired, thirsty travellers, feeling calm and fulfilled by drinking my cool, clean water. I started feeling an overflowing love for them all. I started pouring myself into them. I gave myself completely, they flourished, I learnt the joys of giving. They were happy and so was I. They needed me and I felt I belonged.

But I knew this joy wasnt forever. I was still moving, flowing, not knowing where I was headed to. I had forgotten where I had come from and what I was earlier. All I knew was that I was the life force of that terrain. I was attached to the childern playing on my banks, to the women filling their buckets from me, farmers who depended on me for their crop. I was attached to the soils that clung on to me, to the leaves that fell onto me from the trees, and floated gracefully over me. But I knew that a time would come when I would move on and would have to leave all of this behind. But why? For what? This was my world. Why did I have to leave it. I felt like I had been there forever. The question keep bothering me. And the fear of losing everything one day kept troubling me.

One day a wandering saint came over to my bank to wash his tired face, hand and feet. He sat by my banks with his eyes closed, and I saw his illuminated face ~ tranquil and joyful, without any need or desire. It reminded me of something. For a moment something stirred inside me, and I felt a longing for something. It seemed something of my own, but I couldnt understand what was it that I was reminded of. I felt an overpowering need to ask him about this, about myself, who I was and where was I going, what was the purpose of my existance. Why did have to keep separating from everything I get attached to. Why did my joys not last forever. The saint slowing opened his eyes, and looking at me, he smiled ~ a peacful, loving, all-knowing smile. And then he said, "Oh pure river, enjoy this journey of yours, love, give, take, but dont get attached, dont forget what you are, where you've come from, and where you are going. Your journey is for your purification, for learning the lessons which are yet to be learnt, not for being attached to anything that touches your banks. In this journey you've learnt acceptance, tolerance, persistence and selflessness. You've learnt how to give selflessly and how to love truly. You've learnt to spread happiness. You've learnt how to take eveything that comes your way and keep flowing in your flow. You have learnt many lessons but there are a few yet to be learnt, and so you must keep flowing and be yielding. You are a part of the purest and at the end of your journey you will be unified to that purest. Flowing through different terrains, living through different experiences, one day you will reach your true destination and merge into that Ocean of love and purity. And from there you will be distilled into your true form, where there is everlasting joy. So keep flowing, oh river, but dont forget who you truly are. Always remember the golden gleam that used to touch your whiteness in your purest form, when you knew no need or desire, when you were truly joyful." Saying this the saint smiled again and went on his way.

And suddenly I remembered what the saint's tranquility had reminded me of. I could feel the blue sky embracing me, the pure whiteness around me and that feel of oneness with the universe. Immense joy started flowing through my waters and illuminated I started dancing with joy. The fields started singing for me, the children around my banks started clapping joyfully, and the trees and the wind started dancing with me. I had found who I was and where I was headed to. With this knowledge, I started flowing more gracefully and more lovingly. Loving everything, but not getting attached.

In this journey I am going to learn my lessons, and one day I am going to merge with my Ocean. I am going to find my true form. I am going to merge in that everlasting joy.

This is what my journey is all about.... Isnt this yours too?

Times Four

Walking man had tagged everyone on his blog list in his post on 'Four Times'…so here goes my list of four things...

Four Movies You Can See Over and Over:
I cant think of any…I think I lack the patience to see a seen movie again, even if I have loved it...

Four Places You Have Lived In:
-Kashmir
-Delhi
-Mumbai

-Ahmedabad

Four TV Shows You Love(d) to Watch:
Presently ~ there are none.

(I don’t see much of television other than for movies..)
Earlier ~ there were a few (which included the likes of Friends, Everybody loves Raymond...etc)

Four Places You Have Been on a Vacation:
-Uttaranchal (Nainital, Ranikhet, Binser, Almora, Kausani)- beautiful hill stations
-Diu (A lovely beach on the western coast of India)
-Bhandardhara (a lesser known uncommercialized place in a hilly range of Maharashtra~ with a beautiful lake surrounded by hills)- we had camped in a tent by the lake on full moon night...

-Rajasthan (Udaipur, Chittod, Ranakpur, Abu)

Four of your favorite foods:
-Choley bhature
-Pani puri
-Pasta in cheese sauce
-Rice with paneer cooked in kashmiri gravy

Four Websites You Visit Daily:
-My bloglist
-Yahoo, gmail, rediffmail
(Actually I try to.. :) Due to time constrainsts, I am not able to be as regular as I would like to on these and also am not able to vist a vew more that I would like to .... if Ido get some more time on hand, I wud surely want to dedicate some time on my flickr account...have quit orkut and am inactive on facebook, these used to be my daily feed some months back....)

Four Places You Would Rather Be:
-Somewhere close to nature, in a quiet town in some valley, surrounded by woody mountains, with scent of trees heavy in the air…would love to live in a basic cottage in a place like this…exploring the bouty of nature and the goodness of people..

-In a tent perched on the white sands of a quiet beach ~ absorbing the golden glow of the sun setting over the vastness of the blue sea ~ flowing in the rhythm of the waves..

-In my balcony at night, sipping darjeeling tea, with moonlight pouring in from the outside chatting with some good friend

-At home with my family- eating hot pakodas with rain pouring outside...

Four Novels You Wish You Were Reading for the First Time:

-Lady of Hay (Barbara Erskine)
-The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
-The Bridge across forever (Richard Bach)
-Primal Fear (William Diehl)

Four Things You Hope to Do Before You Die-

-See the world

-Follow the course of a river from the source to the end

-Find my true calling

-Learn one musical instrument so well that it flows with my blood

-'Live' in the true sense of the word

It was fun...! :)

For my part I now in-turn tag everyone on my bloglist....to know you all a little more than I do today...

Trip to surmise

Hold my hand and close your eyes
Let me take you through some colourful darkness ~
On a trip to surmise.
See it, feel it ~ and conclude;
before It's winter
And before
The rain of my eye dries...

Through the shadows of the lane
Where lovers meet and part
Smell if you can ~
The unfulfilled longing,
Floating on a lake of desire
Writhing with ecstasy and pain

See far away the desert dunes merging
In the skies of the morrow...
And watch their regret rising
When the drops of tempting water
Quench their thirst
But washes away the learning...

Look now the moon waxes and wanes...
A forgotten song
Flows in the thick air,
And the pretty butterfly
Clings ~
.
.
To the colours of her chains…

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?"

Met an old friend after 5 years. We were working in the same organization 5 years back, were very good friends, so used to discuss our professional aspects with each other as well. I remember once we were discussing about appearing for some job interviews for changing the existing job. As we were preparing for the interviews, we started discussing about the questions that the interviewer might ask, so that we could be prepared for the same. One question that we were anticipating was ~ "Where do you see yourself after 5 years ?" It seems, this a favourite question with the interviewers! We both had cooked up some answer to this question, which the interviewer would like to hear, and consider us fit to be for the position in question.

Well, we both did leave the company we were working for at that time in 2004. We walked our own ways, and now when we met after 5 years, we were talking about what twists and turns life had taken in all these years.

He had moved on to work for a pharma company in Hyderabad in quality assurance department, stuck there for 5 years, in the duration did his masters in business administration (sponsored by his company), and started working in Project management department ~ a field completely different to what he was working in earlier, and recently he joined another pharma company, back in Ahmedabad, working as a project manager.

I don’t think in his answer to the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now ?" any of this was featured. He had never thought of doing master in business administration or changing his work profile, or for that matter staying in hyderabad for 5 years and then coming back to ahmedabad again!

I for my part, on leaving the company where I was working 5 years back, took a long break from work for personal reasons, worked in a completely different field ~ assisting in direction for documentary film and anchoring for stage shows, went to mumbai to work for a company of my own field (pharma) for two years and then as fate would have it joined back in the same company in ahmedabad where I was working 5 years back. Working in this company for almost 3 years now.

In my answer of "Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now ?" also, none of this was expected ! Not in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would be working into the fields that I did. Nor had I imagined that I would come back to work in this same organization that I had left 5 years back.

While talking about all this, we could feel how our lives were led by something much more powerful than us, something that has planned the course and milestones for this journey called life.

In the light of this whole thing the above question and whatever answer we think to it seems quite superficial. Probably a question like this might be helping the interviewers to get a peek into the candidate's psyche or guage his/her's ambitions in life. Who knows, they might also be more or less succeeding at. But I feel that while such questions may have some meaning in the corporate world, they seem meaningless looking at the bigger picture of life.

~Cooking and music ~

A saucepan.
Few drops of olive oil...
~Some fire~
…..Notes of music rise in the background…..
Slowly reaching you and engulfing you like a fragrance…
You dance in it a little and then,
Come back to heat of the fire ~ softly tickling the olive oil...

"....Silver coins that jingle-jangle,
Dancing shoes that dance in time
All the secret of her dark eyes,
They did sing a gypsy rhyme…"

Don williams singing in his velvety voice ~ softly tickling the soul...

In goes some pieces of celery, onion & garlic…
Shwish…………….sings the saucepan too.

Some stirring ~ to a golden brown colour,
Some colouring ~ with the freshly made tomato sauce

Next song begins ~

"Come away with me in the night

Come away with me

And I will write you a song..."

Some more stirring..
Some sprinkling..
Parsely and a few more Italian herbs…
~Gains of white salt ~
Blending into the redness...

In goes the boiled penne into the inviting blend..

"...Come away with me

and we'll kiss

On a mountaintop..

Come away with me

And I'll, never stop loving youuu..."

...…more aroma rising
Filling up the senses,
~Promising delight and fulfillment ~

Eventually ~Pasta looks cooked~
Just the right blend~
Of taste and aroma,
Of seen and unseen,
Of hunger and food,
Of vision and form,
Of wishing and creating
Of wanting and receiving
Of colour and music
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Of body and soul…………

"I'm going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou
Where the folks are fine
And the workd is mine, on Blue Bayou
Where those fishing boats,
With their sails aboat
If I could only see ~
A familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes,
How happy I'd be..."



The music continues……

You can't upset me...

“I’m not upset…you don’t have the power to upset me...you don’t matter that much…” Kate Winslet says in the movie “The Reader” to Ralph Fiennes.

Those who don’t matter to us can’t upset us…I agree with this. Why should I be affected by someone’s behavior towards me whom I don’t consider important enough..? Why should I let even small seeds of negativity germ inside me by the words or actions of those who don’t count..? But on saturday at work someone not at all significant in my life did something and I got upset...! I guess the person didn’t matter, but by what he did, my self respect (maybe ego..) got hurt... and I reacted accordingly…didn’t show my hurt in an outrageous way, but walked out of the scene. Wouldn’t have left, had this thought of him hurting my ‘I’ had not come into my min...

now feeling somewhat bad about my own reaction...

Reflecting on the whole thing on how differently I should have reacted I feel that I should have stayed positive, I should not have let my equilibrium be disturbed any bit at all…I should have thought that let him think and behave in anyway he wishes ~that is the choice that he is making...I should not have let my false ‘I’ come in the picture…and should have chosen to stay in my undisturbed positive frame of mind…

The road is long ~ full of pebbles of different shape, and turn...
The journey’s just begun, Miles and miles ahead to learn...

One lesson learnt...hope to remember it...