How do you react when someone very close to you lies to you, and you know that he is lying ?
I feel there could be two approaches ~
1) Pretend that you dont know that the person is lying, to avoid a situation or avoid the hurt that would follow.
Or
2) Confront the person and tell him on the face that you know the truth.
Since anything that causes hurt, leads to a flared reaction, my normal, instant reaction would have been to feel hurt and tell the person on the face that I know the truth, and ask him why did he have to lie to me….
But on second thoughts, i feel what purpose would that serve? There could be a couple of reasons for which a person would have lied to me. Either he has something to hide, or there's a guilt inside him or he doesnt trust me enough to tell me the truth, or….. maybe all ! In either of the case, isn’t it more about his own negativities? Where am I in this? Why should I confront him on this, and lead to a useless rounds of accusations, defendings and explanations…more negativities….
This leads me another pertinent question ~ Would this situation arise if there is true closeness and honesty between two people? I don’t think so…If two people are really close, none of them would ever find a situation where one has to lie to the other. And even if one does, the other will never ask for any explanations. That is what real trust is all about…
After this introspection, I feel in the above situation there could be a third approach too ~ An approach of trust and forgiveness….
And if I have to choose my reaction, where the other person matters to me, I would choose the third approach. Yes, even if there would be a question on the truth of the closeness from both sides, I would stick to the honesty and trust on my part and choose not ask for any explanations….
I feel there could be two approaches ~
1) Pretend that you dont know that the person is lying, to avoid a situation or avoid the hurt that would follow.
Or
2) Confront the person and tell him on the face that you know the truth.
Since anything that causes hurt, leads to a flared reaction, my normal, instant reaction would have been to feel hurt and tell the person on the face that I know the truth, and ask him why did he have to lie to me….
But on second thoughts, i feel what purpose would that serve? There could be a couple of reasons for which a person would have lied to me. Either he has something to hide, or there's a guilt inside him or he doesnt trust me enough to tell me the truth, or….. maybe all ! In either of the case, isn’t it more about his own negativities? Where am I in this? Why should I confront him on this, and lead to a useless rounds of accusations, defendings and explanations…more negativities….
This leads me another pertinent question ~ Would this situation arise if there is true closeness and honesty between two people? I don’t think so…If two people are really close, none of them would ever find a situation where one has to lie to the other. And even if one does, the other will never ask for any explanations. That is what real trust is all about…
After this introspection, I feel in the above situation there could be a third approach too ~ An approach of trust and forgiveness….
And if I have to choose my reaction, where the other person matters to me, I would choose the third approach. Yes, even if there would be a question on the truth of the closeness from both sides, I would stick to the honesty and trust on my part and choose not ask for any explanations….
4 comments:
hmmm, "confusion" the worst mode on which our mind can walk upon..
wud just say, "what is true, what is false, who is correct, who is incorrect" doesnt really matter, what matters is wat happens and if u r not okay with it, thn express it because ultimately whatever happens,you are at the source if it..
@aanshi:
true...to curb the honest expression is the biggest form of self denail...but at the same time, i feel at times one needs to stop and think if our expresssion is actually our pure truth or is it just a tantrum of our own ego ~ a behavioral pattern that has become a part of us and is blocking our growth at some level. And at times it needs a very conscious effort on our part to take our thinking on a higher level of existence....what i'm saying is in context to this post as well as to a general way of thinking over other related thoughts...i hope i made sense :)
but in expressing urself, if u think thats the ego coming in, then no use, but many times it happens that u dnt express the things and they get bagged up. you've got to see the circle of influence..its abt chosing wat to do and not deciding upon it and at the end of the situation, you've got to be okay coz u "chose" and not "decide"..
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