A Kaleidoscope Rotated...

Like a pendulum...

2010-07-26T16:23:00.005+05:30

Just like a pendulum in the air,
Its me, here and there,
Scattered like sunshine everywhere,
But not reaching quite there,
I have cold hands and cold hair....
If it was you, what would you do...?
Oh, what would you do..?
On the downhill with people climbing up,
You say hello and wish them luck,
But for that rush to and die and live,
What would you not give..?
Oh, what would you not give..?
Like a pendulum,
I live on,
In the moments here and gone,
But to be in that world unknown,
What wouldnt I be,
Oh, what wouldnt I be...?
Touch your hand and I let go,
'Coz I have to flow in my flow,
A prisoner of my destiny,
I ask myself....Am I lonely....?
Like a pendulum,
Like a pendulum,
I am, I was and will be,
Swinging in eternity..........
Like a pendulum...
Like a pendulum...

Blue ~ driving away the blues...

2010-05-18T03:25:00.004+05:30

Was feeling a little blue since yesterday....

But today morning the sight of the clean blue sky, white clouds, and a bird spreading its wings and floating in the blue sky somehow filled me with peace...

Here are a few glimpses of the blue which drove away my blues...hope it helps you too to flow freely in your flight...

Being purple...

2010-05-11T07:47:00.008+05:30

I'm standing in my balcony,
Sipping my morning tea.
The morning breeze has blown and brought
Into my lawn,
Some purple leaves ~
From the flowers of my neighbour's tree...

And I'm thinking of all the people
In my life today,
And those who have gone by...
All the people so far away from me
Those who I long to see,
And those who maybe I'd never see...

The purple flowers are ruffling the grass of my lawn
Looking happy..
Why did they choose to leave their tree,
And come to this land unknown..?
Arent they in some ways like me..?

I feel them adding colour into my life
And in my heart I hear a voice~
I too will splash my colours on this land and sky,
Life is about exploring all the sunshine and all the rain,
And the song on the radio plays~
"I'm leaving on jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again..."
...and I just look at the purple leaves, and smile.

It rained...

2010-02-27T02:08:00.005+05:30

It rained ...

Like there was no summer.....ever.

The droplets fell

On the lonely desert rose,

And it smiled...and sang and danced,

To the tune of the first three drops ~

Touching its petals and making it alive.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Can rain be love...?

Flow Interrupted......

2010-02-24T21:14:00.005+05:30

......since sometime now.

the need of the hour compromising the soul of the moments.

~ Prayer for a new beginning ~

2010-01-02T17:45:00.004+05:30

New years come and new years go,

Pieces of time all in a row.

As we live our life,

Each second and minute,

We know we’re privileged to be in it...

At the beginning of this year,

Here's wishing you~

Love, peace and joy,

Faith over fear,

Strength in times of trouble,

A hand to hold when lonely,

A warm hug when the soul feels cold,

A smile for every tear...

Here's wishing you wisdom and learning,

Tolerance and understanding,

Days filled with colours of a rainbow

And moments filled with small joys of life...

Wishing all my blogger friends a wonderful new year,

filled with moments of togetherness with the loved ones...

HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Here's wishing that this year sees us becoming a better person

and this world a more better place to live in.

"Risk toh Spiderman ko bhi lena padta hai...

2009-12-19T23:28:00.011+05:30

......... main toh phir bhi Salesman hoon” (Even Spiderman has to take risk, I am just a Salesman)..!!

Thats a line from the movie "Rocket Singh, salesman of the year", which I just saw ~ A simple but engaging and thoughtprovoking movie....

"Rocket Singh, salesman of the year" ~ The story of a fresh from the college graduate (Harpreet Singh) who joins the demanding, corrupt and target-to-be-achieved-at-any-cost world of sales. He's not able to mould himself into the corrupt ways of work. Hence, inspite of being talented, he's labelled a failure, a zero by his bosses and colleagues. He is insulted by his colleagues and made fun of. They keep shooting paper rockets at him to humiliate him. The story goes on to show how he fights the odds, makes his team and they go on to make their own new company, which shakes the empire of the company where he was working and was written off. He names his new company as "Rocket Sales Corporation" and becomes the biggest-hard-to-beat competitor of his older company.

The story was simple ~ the victory of good over bad, like they show in every movie. There was nothing out of the world in it. The location and picturization of the movie was also very down to earth. But the movie touched me. There was something in the way the movie, story and the whole concept was made, which was very basic and very close to the real world. I loved the character of Harpreet Singh, who is not shown as a superhero in the movie, but is shown as a common man who is full of heart and character. His never-say-die spirit, simplicity and honesty was appealing. But the story is not just about him. It has a universal appreal. Through his story, the concepts and ways of business these days have been explored. The movie showed that how a business can stand and also run on the wheels of hardwork, honesty, service and committment. That to earn money, it is not necessary to be shrewd, cunning or to decieve people. "Business is not about money, its about people." ~ is the ideology that Harpreet Singh believes in. And with this ideology he goes on to earn a lot of money, reputation and a huge clientele. I think its very true. The values of honesty, generosity and honour of word that make up the strength of a character have been rightfully glorified in the movie.

And Ranbir Kapoor looks very cute in the role of a sardar ~ very smooth and natural. And not to forget the colourful 'pagdhis' (turbans) that he adorns. They make his look simply amazing!

The movie rocked for me...did it for you..?

My chilli plant is flourishing...

2009-12-13T12:56:00.005+05:30

.......and I'm loving it !

It had started off with this ~

To this ~

Then this ~

And finally, this ! ~

Oh, the pleasure of having witnessed and played a role in the wonderful phenomenon of how nature creates bounty..! A few miunte seeds getting transformed into a plant which produces chillies more than the need of our whole family... and the joy of using fresh-from-the garden chillies for meals...! It is something..!

If interested, let me know, I can parcel you some fresh from my garden..! :)

The Rising...

2009-12-07T23:14:00.004+05:30

Rising from within is a voice,
A sermon, a call,
To the winds of the storm
Of the raging seas...
"Come to me oh gigantic waves,
Rise and engulf me in your doom.
Crush me and break me
To pieces infinite,
And then ~
From each fragment,
Let loose a melody,
Of a lonesome shepherd's flute,
Resonating in the meadows and reaching the skies.
Let those notes then
Merge with your vigour
And my shattered elements,
And let the world see~
Rising out of the havoc,
A form ~
Of the spirit of the fire
And rhythm of the soul,
Defying your might,
And rising to the unfathomed skies..."

He LIVED...

2009-11-23T21:02:00.019+05:30

......till the day he died.

This is an ode to the man whom I used to call my dadaji (grandpa).

A month back he left us forever. He was 87, but had the spirit of a young man till the very end. He lived a full life and died a peaceful death.

Here are a few glimpses from his life and his last days with us...

His daily pooja...no matter what he would never break his routine of his daily prayer...

In the last days he had become physically very weak...so could not go out for strolls in the evening...so rather than doing nothing about it, he found a way out ~ he would sit in the parking area of the building every evening. Sitting there, he would chat with the people of the society he knew, reflect, have some fresh air and then come back as it would begin to get dark. Every evening as I would return from work, he would be sitting there, and wave at me. Now, as I return from work, I know that he would never be there with his smile and his wave.

A whole life lived, things collected and cherished...

But when it is time to go, you leave behind everything as your memory for your loved ones...

His whole world was in his cupboard...everthing from a safety pin to medicines to clothes to calender...everything that he would need in his daily life was there, neatly arranged in his cupboard.

Dadaji, the emptiness created by your absence will never be filled... But you will keep on living in our hearts always...

Let the light fill up our lives

2009-10-17T00:49:00.002+05:30

~ DIWALI ~

The festival of lights...

May it bring everlasting moments of ~

Happiness and Peace,

Love and Togetherness,

For you and your family.

May there be peace and light inside and outside..

Wishing you all a "Shubh Deepawali"

I bond with the moon...

2009-10-07T21:46:00.008+05:30

The moon is peeping through my window flooding the dark corners of my room and my heart. Its feels enchanting...especially today, as it holds a special significant, today being the 'Karva Chauth' night ~ the festival which celebrates the love and sacrifice of the relationship of a husband and wife. 'Karva' means clay pot and 'chauth' means fourth night after the full moon. The wife fasts the whole day without food or water for the long life of her husband. She breaks her fast only after moonrise. At moonrise she sees the moon through a sieve and then sees her husband's face through the same sieve, and only then does she take her first water sip of the day. The couple then lovingly eat food together.

The whole feel of the festival is fascinating and very romantic...loving someone so much that you sacrifice food and even water for a whole day to celebrate the love, togetherness and devotion to each other. And as the day enters into night, the couple waits together for the moon to rise and shower its moonlight on them for the bonding of the two souls...

Looking at the 'chauth' moon peeping in my room, I think of all this and imagine the happiness it must have spread tonight by peeping into hundreds of windows and balconeys where couples must be waiting patiently in love and togetherness for it to engulf them in its silver beams...

While I sit alone in my room, particularly aware of my loneliness, I wonder why is the moon peeping at my window tonight, when all there is in here is me, with no story of how I fasted the whole day and no face to see through the sieve and wishing that I had that special someone to get engulfed in this moonlight with. I keep looking at the beautiful moon and suddenly as if to answer my question, the moon shines just a little brighter, as if to say ~ "So what if there is no one? I am there in the sky, always with you...you just have to look". I smile back and engulf myself in that heavenly glow of the silver beams ~ and to celebrate the beauty, love and all that this day signifies, I bond with the moon.

Of fear and faith

2009-09-26T16:29:00.014+05:30

21st September 2009 ~ a date i will always remember, as the day when i went through the very first surgery of my life ~ a surgery to remove two tumors (dermoids) from my pelvic region. One 8 cm in diameter ~ around the size of an orange, just above my left ovary and other 3 cm in diameter above my right ovary. The medical term is bilateral ovarian dermoid. The operation was done by laproscopy and lasted for 2 hours.

Discovering these two dermoids was an incidental, chance discovery. Since they were not causing any pain or discomfort in the area, I never had any reason to suspect their existence. The doctors said the dermoids are congenital...so I cant say for how long I must have been carrying these in my body! It was as if they werent existing at all....but all the while they were there, silent, potentially dangerous, and in a rare possibility ~ malignant.

Lots of confirmatory tests followed the chance discovery ~ specialized sonography, MRI, consultations with the experts, seeking second opinions, discussions and then the final conclusion that the dermoids had to be surgically removed and the sooner the better. So, well, it had to be operated that was once fact. And the other was that I was damn scared..!

Another reason to worry was that since one of the dermoids (above the left ovary) was very big (8 cm) the doctors were of the opinion that they might have to completely remove one ovary ! ~ the thought was scary.

And the last but not the least ~ I believe that I have a very low pain threshold ~ at least for physical pains.

Given all this, going through the operation was a lesson for me ~ to face my fear and to learn to have faith on the almighty.

I just read the following lines in walking man's recent post ~

KNOW NO FEAR.

There is only one decision to be made as time runs out.
Is this something I can control or something beyond my control?
Act accordingly, aware of your decision.

And I can so relate to it, since that is what I had done. Evaluated the situation as something that I cannot control, and then decided to leave everything into those hands which could control it ~ the hands that bring us into this world and the hands that take care of us in this world. So the day before the operation I put all my apprehensions and fears into His hands, and folded mine in a silent prayer for strength and blessings.

With His grace and the blessings of my parents, family and friends, the operation went well without any complications. I did not panic while entering the operation theatre and in the few moments under the operation lights, just before they put me to sleep with anasthesia, I could feel an inner strength and a hear a voice from my inside which said~ everything will be fine.

My both ovaries reamined intact. The biopsy report of the dermoid showed no malignancy.

And in the post-operative days the pain has been bearable and the recovery good. I've resumed work from today!

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I guess this post does have some medical mumbo-jumbo, but I wanted to share my experience with you all, and to thank the almighty and my family and friends for their love and support throughout.

Sailing into the dawn

2009-09-14T22:19:00.005+05:30

The night is now,

Was then,

But wont be, forever.

I think this, and wait

For,

Sailing into the dawn.

A known memory

2009-08-15T10:43:00.005+05:30

Those who were meant to be~
Will be.

Love is a bird, set it free,

If it was yours,

It will come and sing known songs on your garden's tree.

Maybe it happen only in movies...

Maybe in real life, it flys away and finds new trees,

To build new nests...

And sing new songs..

But even if it is so,

I will not let it fade the song in my heart...

I will keep singing,

In the solitude of my garden,

And in the music of that known memory...

A river spoke to me...

2009-08-09T11:19:00.009+05:30

I was soft, white and pure, glistening in the soft golden sunlight and peaceful under the starry sky. I was tranquil and joyful. Not having anything, not wanting anything, I was above every need or desire. There was a deep blue sky around me, embracing me. I knew no pain, no sorrow no hate...my head was bowed and my spirit was high, in surrender, in solace, in love, in ecstacy of oneness with the universe.

And then a powerful wind blew, and I started changing, melting, moving and flowing. Gliding down the mountains in the wide emptiness. I didnt know what was happening. I was separated from my tranquility, my existance, my everything. Without any control I was flowing in rhythm and vigour. Initially I was confused and scared. But then gradully I started enjoying the ride. Looking around me I saw the tall trees, their dark barks and their glistening leaves. I could smell them and feel the intoxication. I could see colourful flowers and feel their softness. They were all calling out to me, fondling me, playing with me. I was feeling overwhelmed and I started playing with them. Sprinkling on them my whiteness and and teasing them with my cool bubbles. I was happy again. I wanted to play with them forever. Hear their praises for me and feel their love for me.

But soon I found they were going away from me. I was moving and they were not. I couldnt stop and they couldnt flow. I was feeling sad. I wanted them. I needed them. I wanted to be loved and desired and I wanted to play with them, to feel happy. There were rocks in my way. They made my flowing difficult. I didnt know what to do with them. They were making me struggle and I didnt know how to. Gradually I learnt that I couldnt move them, I had to make my way through them. I had to accept them and learn to be patient and tolerant. My friends the trees, the grass and the flowers couldnt have help me. I was alone in my journey and it was upto me to wind my way through those boulders. It was my lesson and I had to learn it. I started accepting the rocks and made friends with them. My persistence payed ~ They smoothened out and my journey became comfortable and enjoyable. I was happy again. I had learnt a lesson and I intended to remember it

As I flowed on, I found myself mellowing down. I was no more burstling and bubbling and teasing. I was maturing. There were green and golden fields around me, waving to me in the soft breeze. There was red and black soil on my banks, clinging to me like children to their mother. There were children playing in my lap, sprinking my cool water over each other. Jumping in my open arms and embracing me. There were tired, thirsty travellers, feeling calm and fulfilled by drinking my cool, clean water. I started feeling an overflowing love for them all. I started pouring myself into them. I gave myself completely, they flourished, I learnt the joys of giving. They were happy and so was I. They needed me and I felt I belonged.

But I knew this joy wasnt forever. I was still moving, flowing, not knowing where I was headed to. I had forgotten where I had come from and what I was earlier. All I knew was that I was the life force of that terrain. I was attached to the childern playing on my banks, to the women filling their buckets from me, farmers who depended on me for their crop. I was attached to the soils that clung on to me, to the leaves that fell onto me from the trees, and floated gracefully over me. But I knew that a time would come when I would move on and would have to leave all of this behind. But why? For what? This was my world. Why did I have to leave it. I felt like I had been there forever. The question keep bothering me. And the fear of losing everything one day kept troubling me.

One day a wandering saint came over to my bank to wash his tired face, hand and feet. He sat by my banks with his eyes closed, and I saw his illuminated face ~ tranquil and joyful, without any need or desire. It reminded me of something. For a moment something stirred inside me, and I felt a longing for something. It seemed something of my own, but I couldnt understand what was it that I was reminded of. I felt an overpowering need to ask him about this, about myself, who I was and where was I going, what was the purpose of my existance. Why did have to keep separating from everything I get attached to. Why did my joys not last forever. The saint slowing opened his eyes, and looking at me, he smiled ~ a peacful, loving, all-knowing smile. And then he said, "Oh pure river, enjoy this journey of yours, love, give, take, but dont get attached, dont forget what you are, where you've come from, and where you are going. Your journey is for your purification, for learning the lessons which are yet to be learnt, not for being attached to anything that touches your banks. In this journey you've learnt acceptance, tolerance, persistence and selflessness. You've learnt how to give selflessly and how to love truly. You've learnt to spread happiness. You've learnt how to take eveything that comes your way and keep flowing in your flow. You have learnt many lessons but there are a few yet to be learnt, and so you must keep flowing and be yielding. You are a part of the purest and at the end of your journey you will be unified to that purest. Flowing through different terrains, living through different experiences, one day you will reach your true destination and merge into that Ocean of love and purity. And from there you will be distilled into your true form, where there is everlasting joy. So keep flowing, oh river, but dont forget who you truly are. Always remember the golden gleam that used to touch your whiteness in your purest form, when you knew no need or desire, when you were truly joyful." Saying this the saint smiled again and went on his way.

And suddenly I remembered what the saint's tranquility had reminded me of. I could feel the blue sky embracing me, the pure whiteness around me and that feel of oneness with the universe. Immense joy started flowing through my waters and illuminated I started dancing with joy. The fields started singing for me, the children around my banks started clapping joyfully, and the trees and the wind started dancing with me. I had found who I was and where I was headed to. With this knowledge, I started flowing more gracefully and more lovingly. Loving everything, but not getting attached.

In this journey I am going to learn my lessons, and one day I am going to merge with my Ocean. I am going to find my true form. I am going to merge in that everlasting joy.

This is what my journey is all about.... Isnt this yours too?

Times Four

2009-07-04T17:06:00.007+05:30

Walking man had tagged everyone on his blog list in his post on 'Four Times'…so here goes my list of four things...

Four Movies You Can See Over and Over:
I cant think of any…I think I lack the patience to see a seen movie again, even if I have loved it...

Four Places You Have Lived In:
-Kashmir
-Delhi
-Mumbai

-Ahmedabad

Four TV Shows You Love(d) to Watch:
Presently ~ there are none.

(I don’t see much of television other than for movies..)
Earlier ~ there were a few (which included the likes of Friends, Everybody loves Raymond...etc)

Four Places You Have Been on a Vacation:
-Uttaranchal (Nainital, Ranikhet, Binser, Almora, Kausani)- beautiful hill stations
-Diu (A lovely beach on the western coast of India)
-Bhandardhara (a lesser known uncommercialized place in a hilly range of Maharashtra~ with a beautiful lake surrounded by hills)- we had camped in a tent by the lake on full moon night...

-Rajasthan (Udaipur, Chittod, Ranakpur, Abu)

Four of your favorite foods:
-Choley bhature
-Pani puri
-Pasta in cheese sauce
-Rice with paneer cooked in kashmiri gravy

Four Websites You Visit Daily:
-My bloglist
-Yahoo, gmail, rediffmail
(Actually I try to.. :) Due to time constrainsts, I am not able to be as regular as I would like to on these and also am not able to vist a vew more that I would like to .... if Ido get some more time on hand, I wud surely want to dedicate some time on my flickr account...have quit orkut and am inactive on facebook, these used to be my daily feed some months back....)

Four Places You Would Rather Be:
-Somewhere close to nature, in a quiet town in some valley, surrounded by woody mountains, with scent of trees heavy in the air…would love to live in a basic cottage in a place like this…exploring the bouty of nature and the goodness of people..

-In a tent perched on the white sands of a quiet beach ~ absorbing the golden glow of the sun setting over the vastness of the blue sea ~ flowing in the rhythm of the waves..

-In my balcony at night, sipping darjeeling tea, with moonlight pouring in from the outside chatting with some good friend

-At home with my family- eating hot pakodas with rain pouring outside...

Four Novels You Wish You Were Reading for the First Time:

-Lady of Hay (Barbara Erskine)
-The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
-The Bridge across forever (Richard Bach)
-Primal Fear (William Diehl)

Four Things You Hope to Do Before You Die-

-See the world

-Follow the course of a river from the source to the end

-Find my true calling

-Learn one musical instrument so well that it flows with my blood

-'Live' in the true sense of the word

It was fun...! :)

For my part I now in-turn tag everyone on my bloglist....to know you all a little more than I do today...

Trip to surmise

2009-06-16T17:12:00.003+05:30

Hold my hand and close your eyes
Let me take you through some colourful darkness ~
On a trip to surmise.
See it, feel it ~ and conclude;
before It's winter
And before
The rain of my eye dries...

Through the shadows of the lane
Where lovers meet and part
Smell if you can ~
The unfulfilled longing,
Floating on a lake of desire
Writhing with ecstasy and pain

See far away the desert dunes merging
In the skies of the morrow...
And watch their regret rising
When the drops of tempting water
Quench their thirst
But washes away the learning...

Look now the moon waxes and wanes...
A forgotten song
Flows in the thick air,
And the pretty butterfly
Clings ~
.
.
To the colours of her chains…

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?"

2009-06-10T13:43:00.004+05:30

Met an old friend after 5 years. We were working in the same organization 5 years back, were very good friends, so used to discuss our professional aspects with each other as well. I remember once we were discussing about appearing for some job interviews for changing the existing job. As we were preparing for the interviews, we started discussing about the questions that the interviewer might ask, so that we could be prepared for the same. One question that we were anticipating was ~ "Where do you see yourself after 5 years ?" It seems, this a favourite question with the interviewers! We both had cooked up some answer to this question, which the interviewer would like to hear, and consider us fit to be for the position in question.

Well, we both did leave the company we were working for at that time in 2004. We walked our own ways, and now when we met after 5 years, we were talking about what twists and turns life had taken in all these years.

He had moved on to work for a pharma company in Hyderabad in quality assurance department, stuck there for 5 years, in the duration did his masters in business administration (sponsored by his company), and started working in Project management department ~ a field completely different to what he was working in earlier, and recently he joined another pharma company, back in Ahmedabad, working as a project manager.

I don’t think in his answer to the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now ?" any of this was featured. He had never thought of doing master in business administration or changing his work profile, or for that matter staying in hyderabad for 5 years and then coming back to ahmedabad again!

I for my part, on leaving the company where I was working 5 years back, took a long break from work for personal reasons, worked in a completely different field ~ assisting in direction for documentary film and anchoring for stage shows, went to mumbai to work for a company of my own field (pharma) for two years and then as fate would have it joined back in the same company in ahmedabad where I was working 5 years back. Working in this company for almost 3 years now.

In my answer of "Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now ?" also, none of this was expected ! Not in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would be working into the fields that I did. Nor had I imagined that I would come back to work in this same organization that I had left 5 years back.

While talking about all this, we could feel how our lives were led by something much more powerful than us, something that has planned the course and milestones for this journey called life.

In the light of this whole thing the above question and whatever answer we think to it seems quite superficial. Probably a question like this might be helping the interviewers to get a peek into the candidate's psyche or guage his/her's ambitions in life. Who knows, they might also be more or less succeeding at. But I feel that while such questions may have some meaning in the corporate world, they seem meaningless looking at the bigger picture of life.

~Cooking and music ~

2009-06-06T14:01:00.005+05:30

A saucepan.
Few drops of olive oil...
~Some fire~
…..Notes of music rise in the background…..
Slowly reaching you and engulfing you like a fragrance…
You dance in it a little and then,
Come back to heat of the fire ~ softly tickling the olive oil...

"....Silver coins that jingle-jangle,
Dancing shoes that dance in time
All the secret of her dark eyes,
They did sing a gypsy rhyme…"

Don williams singing in his velvety voice ~ softly tickling the soul...

In goes some pieces of celery, onion & garlic…
Shwish…………….sings the saucepan too.

Some stirring ~ to a golden brown colour,
Some colouring ~ with the freshly made tomato sauce

Next song begins ~

"Come away with me in the night

Come away with me

And I will write you a song..."

Some more stirring..
Some sprinkling..
Parsely and a few more Italian herbs…
~Gains of white salt ~
Blending into the redness...

In goes the boiled penne into the inviting blend..

"...Come away with me

and we'll kiss

On a mountaintop..

Come away with me

And I'll, never stop loving youuu..."

...…more aroma rising
Filling up the senses,
~Promising delight and fulfillment ~

Eventually ~Pasta looks cooked~
Just the right blend~
Of taste and aroma,
Of seen and unseen,
Of hunger and food,
Of vision and form,
Of wishing and creating
Of wanting and receiving
Of colour and music
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Of body and soul…………

"I'm going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou
Where the folks are fine
And the workd is mine, on Blue Bayou
Where those fishing boats,
With their sails aboat
If I could only see ~
A familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes,
How happy I'd be..."

The music continues……

You can't upset me...

2009-06-01T10:58:00.003+05:30

“I’m not upset…you don’t have the power to upset me...you don’t matter that much…” Kate Winslet says in the movie “The Reader” to Ralph Fiennes.

Those who don’t matter to us can’t upset us…I agree with this. Why should I be affected by someone’s behavior towards me whom I don’t consider important enough..? Why should I let even small seeds of negativity germ inside me by the words or actions of those who don’t count..? But on saturday at work someone not at all significant in my life did something and I got upset...! I guess the person didn’t matter, but by what he did, my self respect (maybe ego..) got hurt... and I reacted accordingly…didn’t show my hurt in an outrageous way, but walked out of the scene. Wouldn’t have left, had this thought of him hurting my ‘I’ had not come into my min...

now feeling somewhat bad about my own reaction...

Reflecting on the whole thing on how differently I should have reacted I feel that I should have stayed positive, I should not have let my equilibrium be disturbed any bit at all…I should have thought that let him think and behave in anyway he wishes ~that is the choice that he is making...I should not have let my false ‘I’ come in the picture…and should have chosen to stay in my undisturbed positive frame of mind…

The road is long ~ full of pebbles of different shape, and turn...
The journey’s just begun, Miles and miles ahead to learn...

One lesson learnt...hope to remember it...

~Love~

2009-05-29T11:44:00.002+05:30

A friend of mine sends quotations on 'love' to all her friends everyday morning, just like 'Goodmorning' messages...She's been doing this since months now...

Today she a quotation which touched me like no other before. Would like to share it here ~

"I love you. It's not a weight you must carry around. I love you. It's not a box that holds you in. I love you. It's not a standard you have to bear. I love you. It's not a sacrifice I make. I love you. It's not a pedestal you are frozen upon. I love you. It's not an expectation of perfection. I love you. It's not my life's whole purpose (or your's). I love you. It's not to make you change. I love you. It's not even to make you love me. I love you. It's as pure and simple as that...

-Anonymous"

How beautiful...! Isnt this what love really is..? Unconditional and pure...

I love someone, but I dont bind him with anything...I love him just for his being, I love him not to gain anything, not be become great, not to make a hero out of him...Not to make him realize that I love him...

I love him as he is with his imperfections and flaws...I love him without expecting anything in return...not even love.......I love just because I do, and I because I cant help it....

This is love...as it should be...as it was meant to be...as it always was...and will always be.....

Do you believe in destiny...?

2009-05-11T15:57:00.008+05:30

Do you believe in destiny? Do you think you choose your destiny or does your destiny chooses you? Do you think anyone coming in your life has purpose to fulfill or is it mere chance..?

Standing at this turn on this journey of life I am thinking about the incidences of my past ~ trying to understand what the choices I had made at different times in my past ~ knowingly or unknowingly, which brought to me the present as it is before me today. What made me what I am today...What would have happened had I not chosen the things I did choose? How would the picture of my life be standing in front of me today ? But back then, was it possible that I could have chosen something else to what I actually chose? Did I actually have a choice or what happened was inevitable...?

What I am today is the result of the experiences that I've had in my life, of the incidences that happened with me, of the laughs that I laughed and the tears that I cried, of the feelings I felt, of the thoughts I thought, of the people that I met....or didnt meet...That brings me to another question ~ why do we meet the people that we meet in our lives? What is the purpose..? Why do only a few people out of the hundreds of people that we get to know in our lifetime actually matter to us, actually makes some difference to us...? And why them..? Why not anyone else..? I guess probably because we are tied to those people by some threads of destiny.. . Probably because they are a part of the choices that we make in our lives, knowingly or unknowingly. Probably we have some connection with them from some other lifetime and we need to fulfill the things left unfulfilled then or complete something which was left unfinished then...Or say something or hear something which was unsaid or unheard then....So in a fascinating way everything seems connected ~ our destiny, our past, our present, our future, everything happening or not happening our life, everyone coming and walking out of our life...

So, what do you think? Do you believe in destiny? Do you think you choose your destiny or does your destiny chooses you? Do you think anyone coming in your life has purpose to fulfill or is it mere chance..?

Diamonds and rust...

2009-05-10T21:32:00.001+05:30

But each day brings its petty dust our soon-choked souls to fill,

And we forget because we must, and not because we will...

Letter Game ~ " L "

2009-03-06T12:34:00.012+05:30

You're supposed to be tagged for this game, but since I volunteered to be it and asked for a letter, Scarlet assigned one to me. Thanks, my friend. :) (If you would like to play, leave a comment on this post SAYING THAT YOU WANT TO PLAY and I will assign you a letter. Then post ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter on your blog. Explain the rules with your ten things and when others comment requesting a letter, assign one to them; thus, the chain continues.)...I posted the photographs with the things, but they are completely optional...! Have fun..!

I was given letter ~ "L", so here I go with the things I love with this letter ~

1. Light ! ~ absolutely love watching it's play with different things, different situations ~ at different times of the day...

2. Leaves ~ Their forms, colours, movement…especially in spring and autumn ~

3. Letters ~ receiving and writing, especially the postal ones. In today's world of e-mails its just something else to receive a letter in a person's own handwriting. Adds so much of warmth and personal touch.

4. Long exposure shots ~ love the unpredictability of the way the trails will be formed as per the unpredictable movement of the light source...

5. Limes ~ oranges and lemons ~ Love their vibrant colours and freshness

6. Liquor chocholates ~ mmm :)

7. Long drives on breezy nights with soulful music…

8. Living loose ~ mentally and physically

9. Lilies ~ specially white ones !

10. Lip gloss ! ~ I dont think I can step out of my house without it !

And last but not the least ~

11. Life ~ Its quality of how in even the worst of struggles, it always holds a hope for a better situation...

Wish I could have said “Love” in this list ~ but I don’t think I know it that well to have justified writing it here…but I do hope that someday when I am on my death bed and someone asks me 10 things I love with “L”... :) I would be able to justify saying ~ “Love” then… :)

Staring into time...

2009-02-28T22:56:00.006+05:30

Thats my grandfather. He's 86 and still going reasonably strong ~ In the spirit that is. Though he's not strong enough physically to walk much, every evening he sits in the parking of our apartments and keeps gazing at the street ~ at people coming, going, children playing, shouting, laughing. Every day when I return from work he's sitting there. When people moving around him dont even have a moment to stop and look at him gazing into the spaces of life, wonder what goes in his mind ~ Does he think of his childhood ? His youth ? The good and and bad experiences of life ? His realized and unrealized dreams ? The calculations of gain and loss of life...?

As I take a moment to stop and be in this moment with him, without him being aware of it, a thought suddenly comes to my mind ~ What would I be doing when I will be so old ? Would I be happy with the way I have lived? Would I have any regrets? Sitting like this then, would I be at peace with myself ? And then the decision comes ~ I will live my life in a way that at a time when all I will be able to do is gaze into space and time, and do calculations of my gain and loss ~ I would be able to say ~ Who cares about the gains and losses ! I have lived this life as it should have been lived ~ fully, truly and soulfully and that is all that matters... the silence inside me would not matter then, because I would have heard and played the music of LIFE...

When the music's over, turn off the light...

2009-02-21T23:45:00.006+05:30

Tea and music ~

...an unbeatable symphony.

Soft lights,
Solitude of the night,
Soaking in the feel of
Eddie Rabbit singing ~
"I love a rainy night..."

Beatles singing ~
"All you need is love..love is all you need"
Agreed. But where do you find it..?!?

And then~

"Hey, Jude, dont make it bad, take a sad song and make it better....
And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain,
Dont carry the world upon your shoulder..."

One more round of tea hearing to the mushy, velvety voice of Norah Jones humming~

"Money's just something you throw, Off the back of a train,
Got a handful of lightening, A hat full of rain,
And I know that I said I'd never do it again,
And I love you sweet baby... but I always take the long way home"

And then Don williams ~

"I dont believe in heaven waits for only those who congregate
I'd like to think that God is love,
He's down below, he's up-above
He's watching people everywhere, he knows who does and doesnt care
And I'm an ordinary man, sometimes I wonder who I am...
But I believe in love, i belive in music, i belive in magic... and i believe in you...."

Yes, I believe in music..I believe in music...After a long..long time, music happy again...and a voice inside sings along with the soulful Doors~

"When the music's over, turn off the light...
Music is your special friend, dance on fire, it intends,
Music is your only friend ~ until the end......"

Getting tingled in the soul and riding on a high of music.......Time for another tea......!

A simple act of love...

2009-02-15T15:35:00.004+05:30

Valentine day just went by...a day when everyone thinks about love and ways to show their affection for their loved ones. Most of my couple/married friends had elaborate plans ~ movies & shopping with their partners, dining at fancy restaurants, buying and giving expensive gifts, perfules, diamonds, flowers, soft toys, heart shaped stuff, chochlolates etc, etc. At times I feel the basic concept of Valentine's day had got lost in all the galm and glitz that goes around it. Small significant acts speak much more than all this splurging of money to show that you care.

What I did and felt on this day is another story, but something that my dad did yesterday touched me and made me reconsider my present shaky stand on love. My dad is a very simple person, who though a very warm hearted and loving person is not very used to displaying his affection openly. This year for the first time in 22 years of my parents' married life, he got a rose for mom for valentine's day! He came back from work on his usual time, he got the medicines that mom had asked for, and got a pink rose, which without any ado he handed it to mom, wished her a happy valentine day.

It was a beautiful pink rose, mom was quite suprised and very happy, mainly because it was completely unexpected and also because after all these years of marriage, dad took this effort to display his affection with something that he knows mom loves a lot. This act was even more significant because doing something like this is quite out of his natural behaviour, but still he did it.

The simple pink rose is standing gracefully on our dining table and everytime I pass from there I am reminded of the happiness on mom's face when she received the rose and the simple, child-like pride on dad's face to see mom happy.

This small episode between of Valentine's day between my dad and mom touched my heart and made me re-realise the importance of simplicity things in life...

Call of the pink

2009-01-10T02:18:00.002+05:30

Staring at me from the grey,
The pink of life
Says to me ~
"There will be an answer,
Just let it be..
Take off your old stuffy clothes,
And paint yourself with some colour from me..."

I think ~ maybe I should not resist...

Six random things

2009-01-07T00:24:00.004+05:30

Scarlet tagged me in this game of 6 random things about oneself…Its interesting and I am game for it...So, here I go first posting the rules and then the writing 6 random things about myself (Actually I broke the rule and went ahead to write 7 things...but I’m sure nobody will mind :))…

Here are the rules ~

1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Post the rules on your blog.

3. Write six random things about yourself.

4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.

5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.

6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Some things about myself ~

1. I can relate myself with a river ~ have never been able to stay in one place, one thing or one situation for long ~ love it and hate it!

2. I am a bundle of contradictions ~ I love the rains and the sunshine, partying and meditation, simplicity and style, rock and country music… luxuries and roughing it out…. the list goes on...!

3. I am unbelievably bad at handling my finances, tax returns and stuff like, to the extent that I don’t even remember my total salary package….which infuriates my sister, who is a banker! And I don’t really care for money, but love the things money can buy..! :)

4. One of my aims for my life is that I want to be able to play one musical instrument really well before I die ~ working on flute and guitar ~ On a highly positive note, I will end up learning both of them really well ! :)

5. I simply love green chilies and nobody else in my family does. But when I cook I cant help but be generous with the use of green chillies… and those days we run short of dessert..!

6. My childhood was spent in Kashmir (a beautiful hilly place in India which is known as the ‘Switzerland of India’). We had fields of roses behind our house and our garden had bushes of huge white snowball flowers…vivid memories of those days still bring the smell of that air to me…

7. I have learnt that things change, people change, situations change, but life has to move on…acceptance and letting things be is better than resistance. (well, actually am in the process of learning it…)

Now I tag ~

Chandan

NRkey Menon

Om

Archana

Pink dogwood

Sharanya

Do let me now when your entry is up...will love to read about you.......

New Year 2009 ~ Most unforgettable beginning till date…

2009-01-06T23:03:00.005+05:30

My dad had been in the hospital since the last few days...to be precise, since 31st December. We had plans for partying on the New Year’s eve…My parents had their party on our terrace and me and my sister had friends coming over for a cocktail dance party at her place. A huge fresh strawberry cake had been ordered for us, recipes for cocktails downloaded from internet and starters and main course food had been ordered.

But God had some other plans for our New Year eve..! Dad suddenly got ill on 31st evening and had to be admitted in the hospital immediately. Dad was completely well earlier with no sign of any kind of sickness. So this hospital episode caught all of us completely unaware…! The parties were cancelled, food order cancelled, everyone was informed about this sudden mishap..

And our New Year eve was spent in the hospital room by dad’s bedside, looking over him. At the strike of midnight, we quietly raised a toast to his health with glasses of water and welcomed the New Year 2009…

The first day of the New Year and the first week were spent at the hospital ~ taking care of dad, meeting the doctors, discussing medicines, buying medicines…

Dad is fine now and has come home today. After spending 5 nights at the hospital, today I, Vibha (my sister) and Sunny (my sister’s husband) will be finally sleeping at home !

All these days Mom, me, Vibha, Sunny ~ were literally living in the hospital. But the amazingly thing is none of us felt any strain or stress of the situation. Reason ~ We all were there with each other giving mental, physical and emotional support to each other.

With this, the stressful time turned out to be an opportunity when all of us realized how important a family is and what a huge difference it makes to have someone by your side in difficult times.

These days at the hospital turned out to be a bonding time for all of us, when we all had willingly cancelled all our individual commitments, plans and activities to be there at the hospital to be a support to each other. When none of us cared about our personal comfort, or personal preference. All that mattered was dad should get fine and till that happens, we all should be there with each other, for each other.

There was so much warmth, love and selflessness in those days at the hospital that it went a long way in reinforcing our relationships with each other and also in dissolving the minor differences which seep-in at times if not checked. This togetherness in tough times rejuvenated and our belief and love for each other.

So the New Year which seemed to have started on a bad note, actually started off with a beautiful beginning. and turned out to be the most unforgettable New Year till date.
Had this mishap not happened mom and dad would have been enjoying in their party with their friends and me, Vibha and Sunny would have been enjoying in our party with our friends….

But God had some other plans for our New Year eve..! He wanted us to share that splendid strawberry cake in the hospital room, surrounded by the warmth of love and not on the dance floor in the flowings of cocktails and loud music…. He wanted us all to welcome the New Year together, in the right way, with the right spirit…

And as this New Year began with this positive note, I want to make a new year resolution, that this year I will take special efforts to make everyone who matters to me happy, and make them know how special they are to me…. Heres wishing whoever reading this post a wonderful new year of love, peace and togetherness......

A couple of pics from the hospital days ~

That's mom, dad, Vibha and Sunny in the pic...and me behind the cam...

Dad and Sunny....Dad is evidently trying in vain to suppress his smile at being photographed :)

Killing myself, I now turn the page...

2008-12-25T21:26:00.004+05:30

In this book of life,
I've laughed and cried,
When every cherished dream
Has broken and died,

Now teary eyes have turned sore to dry,
The desert of my heart
Will no more cry...
The rose you planted will be thirsty no more,
It will learn how to live,
Without the waters of your shore...

Disillusionment is pain and agony,
Let it be,
And if what is there, is what I see,
So it be...

I now open my plam, and close my eyes,
And feel the slipping away of my dearest ties
A pain in the heart rises and cries ~
"Nothing now, nothing no more
I am now closing my door...
Let everything go and nothing remain,
Of my warm sunshine, my monsoon rain,
No more dreams to see, no cherishing of any memory,
Nothing to feel, nothing to gain
Attachment is the mother of pain...
Let the cold winds engulf my soul,
Let there be another brick in the wall...."

I have lived and can live alone,
The chapter has ended, but the book will go on...
We all live to die on this world's stage,
So killing myself, I now turn the page......

Towards me, or away from me...?

2008-11-08T20:46:00.008+05:30

Is this train coming towards me or going away from me....??? Standing on a bridge, I had taken this picture, sometime in the past. I was so much absorbed in it then...There was so much mystery and magic in that moment of the early morning. I was standing on that bridge and looking at the moving train with sun rising from behind it. I was still and the train was moving...There was such warmth in that morning sun...such beauty in the morning sky ~ painted with the purity and freshness of blue and pink... there was this humming sound of the train in the air...rhythmic and hypnotic......Today~ the sun has set, the bridge is lost and the train has gone...but that rhythm is still echoing in my head....That warmth of the sun still pours starlight into my eyes...why can i not shut my ears to that rhythm...why cant I not remove that light from my eyes.....???

That bridge ~that missing link between my past and my now... The point in space where I had forgotten which side I was coming from and didnt care about which side where I was going...I was just standing on that bridge, without a care in the world. That bridge where I had stood is witness to all those moments in which I lived a hundred lives...of my "then" which my "now" can never have...

Looking at that picture now , I cant remember what was happening then....Was the train coming towards me or going away from me...? But why am I so bothered about it..? Why cant I just let it be...? Why is it so important to me....?

Whatever was happening then ~ right now all I have this picture, where the train is standing still....The time that was, has frozen...become cold....The moment is captured and dead... but yes, its ghost remains ~ To haunt me forever ~ If only I can know for sure ~ Was the train coming towards me or going away from me..???

I need a breath...

2008-09-29T14:53:00.002+05:30

Darkness all around...
My hands groping in vain,
To find something which I knew before
To give some air to my dying soul...

Feeling suffocated, I struggle with myself,
Not to reach for the ventilator by my side

Oh my ventilator, I love it so much
For it gives me my air to live…
But I cant touch it ~ Its not mine…

A desperate cry screams in my inside ~
"I want to breath before I die…"
But my ventilator's not mine...
And oh..I need a breath…

Nothing is lost...

2008-09-17T21:49:00.016+05:30

Was'nt this the same time some year in the past when all I was longing for, was the basic things in life which I had always taken for granted and were no longer with me then ? ~ mom's voice waking me up in the morning while I drag the bedsheet above my head to sleep a little more, my dad's warmth making this world a better place to live in, my sister faking anger at my teasing her, my close friends with whom I had shared my best and the worst moments...

I had left behind everything I had and everyone I knew, to the winds of destiny ~ which had taken me to a place from where I could neither see nor touch the place which defined the beat of my life, the people who defined who I was.

Leaving behind everyone I didnt know how my freedom also got left behind somewhere ~ freedom of expression, freedom of discretion, freedom of movement, freedom of thinking, freedom to be as I am, to be as I was... "The best thing in the world is freedom ~ freedom to say 'no' " I had read somewhere. I couldnt have agreed on this more. But in those days I discovered a couple of other best things of the world too. Things ~ which none can do without....things ~ which if gone from the life, would make life lifeless. Through self experience I discovered the best things in the world are freedom, love and hope. The freedom to be as you are, the freedom to become what you want to be. Love to give selflessly and receive unconditionally. And hope to keep you dreaming and moving on, and working for a better tomorrow. Without freedom, love and hope you cant go too far...

My loss in those days was complete and had covered all of these three things. Its been a couple of years since then, and going through the peaks and valleys of life I have lived many moments and died many too...But none of the lowest moments of these years have pulled me down to the pits of hoplessness and the feeling of 'having lost all' which I had reached in those days.

I'm thankful to the almighty who took care of me then, to the large oak tree in the garden who listened to my woes then, to the stars of that who gave me company and solace to my forlorn soul then. And to this life who gave me a chance to spring back again. Wherever I am feeling low and lonely and dejected, I remind myself of those days, and the state I was in then, the things and the people I had lost, which by a benevolant twist of destiny I have regained today. And no matter how much low I am feeling, my spirits are lifted. Its like, I had died and was then reborn, and nothing else that happens to me now can be as bad as that death.

Looking at the beauty of the September sky today ~ the coloured clouds and the mellowing foliage, I deeply inhale the light cool breeze, and say to myself ~ "Nothing is lost, I am free, to love, to hope, to dream and to be..."

2008-09-17T21:49:00.006+05:30

An excerpt from "Shataram" by Gregory David Roberts:

"Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope.

Sometimes we cry with everything but tears.

In the end that's all there is : love and its duty, sorrow and its truth.

In the end thats all we have ~ to hold on tight until the dawn..."

To hold on tight ~ in all those moments of disillusionments, disappointments and weakness of the soul...to hold on tight until the first rays of sun come flying on the wings of the morning breeze and wash away all the hurt and pain........

~A Prayer On Samvatsari ~

2008-09-03T18:04:00.001+05:30

Today is Samvatsari ~ actually a Jain festival, but I feel it can be considered a festival of the whole humanity. What else can you call a festival the essence of which is asking for forgiveness from everyone to whom you have done any wrong knowingly or unknowingly, and in turn forgiving everyone who has done any wrong to you?

How cleased a person's soul would feel when all the negativities harbored in it is washed away by a stream of free flowing forgiveness!

How free the soul would feel after breaking free from the grudges that it has been carrying since long !

How pious a person can become and feel after genuinely and humbly asking for forgiveness for what ever hurt or pain one has caused to anyone!

But again, like all good things ~ to forgive and to ask for forgiveness are tasks easier said than done. Too much pride and ego inherent in all human beings would make both the tasks difficult.
But what is more difficult ~ To humbly ask for forgiveness or to forgive genuinly? I was analysing myself and I found that, for me it is more difficult to forgive someone truly than to ask for forgiveness. If I've have hurt someone, if I've done some wrong to someone, I can curb my ego, repent for the wrong I've done and ask for forgiveness from the person. But if I've been wronged, betrayed, insulted, hurt or pained by someone, it is very difficult for me to forgive the person effortlessly.

But if I am able to forgive someone had hurt me, how can expect that I would be forgiven for the hurts that I have knowingly or unknowingly inflicted upon someone?

If I am not able to forgive anyone who has done something wrong, why should I expect that God is going to forgive me for the wrongs that I have done in this life and in the past lives?

Today, on this pious day of Samvatsari, I pray to lord to forgive me for all the wrongs that I have done to any living being in my this life and the past lives. I pray to God to give me the strength and the wisdom to humbly ask for forgiveness for any wrong that I might have done to any living being ~ intentionally or unintentionally, and to forgive from the bottom of my heart everyone who has hurt me and caused me pain in any way.

I pray to lord that my heart and soul is rid of all the bitterness and grugdes against anyone and everyone and I'm engulfed by His everlasting peace and joy.

Amen.

Tell me your dreams...

2008-08-24T14:35:00.000+05:30

I was just thinking ~ What can be considered as the most personal thing to ask to someone?? Is it something of their past like the times they have fallen in love, the affairs they've had, the people they've cheated on, the number of people they've had sex with, the number of times they've flunked in school or college, their most embarrasing moments, their most happiest moments, the times they have lied or had been dishonest, etc.etc..or, something of their present ~ like the relationship that they share with their partners, how are they planning their career or investments etc, etc?

According to me, none of the above. I would say that the most personal thing that can be asked to someone is about their dreams, their deepest desires, their most true wishes for themselves. If you tell someone your deepest desire, your dreams, you become vulnerable, sans gaurd, open to hurt and manipulation. This is not the danger when you tell the guarded things of your past or present to someone.

If you have seen "Bachna ae hasinon" you would know what I mean. Mahi (Minisha Lamba), a dreamy eyed romantic girl is in love with the character of "Raj" in "DDLJ". A flirt, opportunist guy (Ranvir Kapoor) comes to know about this. To fulfil his desire of flirting with Mahi he creates made-up situations like DDLJ and pretends to be the real life avtar of the reel life " Raj". And ~ succeds in taking advantage of the unsuspecting girl, who keeps brimming with joy with the thought that her dream has come true, and she has finally found her "Raj" ! As the movie unfolds, Mahi comes to know what was done to her and ends up getting bitterly hurt.

If this guy did not know about Mahi's deepest desire, he could never have had a chance with her and Mahi would have been saved from the hurt that followed.

Your desire is not only your strength, your reason to move on and fight, but is also in some ways your weakness as it can be used as a bait to trap you. And the fuanny thing is that you would be going in the trap willingly !

What happens in a casting couch is something similar. You are manipulated because your dreams are known and so is your desire to fulfill . But the casting couch is still comparatively better . At least both the parties involved know without any pretense that they are giving something to get something. At least you are not robbed without your knowledge .

But when you talk about your desires and your dreams to someone who you think as a friend or an acquaintance, you would not even realize when he or she will start manipulating the situation and you with the knowledge about your desires.

More than what we were or are, we are ~ what we want to be...

Give it a thought....

À Mon Dieu...

2008-08-09T08:43:00.000+05:30

Je ne vais vous demande
Pourquoi ça
Je ne vais vous demande
Pourquoi moi...

Je veux, mais je ne vous croirai pas
Je n'esperai de vous
N'importe pas quoi...

Si vous veux ça ~
Être comme ça
Être comme ça
Être comme ça...

For, whatever you do ~

2008-07-24T15:40:00.000+05:30

Why are matters of affection beyond our control...? Why are we pulled towards someone without our control like a leaf in a storm....? Why at times it is so difficult to let go of something which is causing you pain.......i guess the reason is because at some point of time you have seen yourself feel and live an immense joy coming from the same source, which is causing pain today...

Only what can make your heart fly like a butterfly and sing in joy is the thing which can also hurt so bad that your heart bleeds .....

And the heart ~ mad as it is, cannot forget the joy with which it had flown and the intensity of love it had felt and keeps holding on to what was and is and keeps hoping that it will always be...

Here's a beautiful song by Shirley Basse in her beautiful velvet, silken voice ~ the lyrics aptly describing the situation....

I'd like to run away from you ,
But if you never found me I would die
I'd like to break the chains you put around me,
But I know I never will

You stay away and all I do ~ is wonder why the hell I wait for you
But when did common sense prevail for lovers when we know it never will
Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without you
For whatever you do ~
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you

You never treat me like you should, so what's the good of loving as I do?
Although you always laugh at love, nothing else would be good enough for you
Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without you
For whatever you do ~
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you

You make me laugh, you make me cry,

You make me live, you make me die, for you
You make me sing, you make me sad,

You make me glad, you make me mad, for you
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do~
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you

I release my hold...

2008-07-22T12:44:00.000+05:30

A fistful of sand in my hand ~
I had held on to it like it was gold,
A handful of dreams in my eyes,
Now sleep with their stories untold.....

I close my eyes to hide the pain,
Of numbed senses
And battered soul
The realization hurting bad,
The sand does and will eventually roll.....

The world spins and I stand,
Looking at the sand and my hand,
Desparate gripping, reluctant releasing,
Strain in my vien,
My loss and my gain.....

With a heavy heart I now let go ~
Let the sand flow,
Let my gold go...
Let the dreams sleep,
Let the stories remain untold...
Let me forget the summer,
Let me feel the cold
Let it be..let it be....
Sadly, I now release my hold......

The loss...

2008-07-15T17:24:00.000+05:30

She (angrily): "I am going back to my own world."
He (teasingly): "Do you think you can leave me...? I'll not let you.......!"
She (with fading anger): "Why do you tease me so much...??"
He (laughing, with mischief in his eyes): "Because you so look beautiful when angry...!"
.
.
She smiles at him lovingly...... her face basking in the sunshine of his laughter...................
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
She ~ Walking alone, occasionally looking back...
He ~ Oblivious to her, scattering the sunshine of his laughter on people around him.....
She ~ Blurry eyed, look fervently for something she had before she had found him, and then lost him ~ ~
.
.
.
.
.
But for her life she could find her world ~ where she wanted to go back to...................

Letting go...

2008-07-10T11:03:00.000+05:30

At times in life it is ncessary to 'let go' ~

-of circumstances that we do not like but cannot change

-of people that we cannot hold back in our lives
-of relationships that are no longer working for us

Letting go does not mean we are giving up or accepting defeat. It simply means that we are not clinging on to the things which are changing with time and accepting with grace the way our destiny is unfolding. It means that we are letting go of the compulsion to make everything "perfect" as per our understanding.

Letting go is akin to "flowing with the flow". Its like flowing in the river of life like a leaf flows in a stream ~ Taking in everything that comes in the way, seeing everything that this life has to show us, learning everything that this life has to teach us.

By not resisting the things that we cannot change, we can bring an end to the frustrations born out of the helplessness, and a lot of peace can be attained by simply dissolving our individual will in the cosmic will....

But how do we let go...? What is the change that we should bring about in our thinking process....? What are the things that we should be avoiding..?

Here are some practical pointers ~

-Accepting- the things as they are, accepting the limitations of yourself and the people involved.

-Admitting the obvious truth - that you are not responsible to affect a change or correct a problem which is beyond your competency, power, authority or responsibility.

-No perfectionism - Allowing yourself to rid yourself of the perfectionistic need to control every aspect of your life so that nothing goes "wrong" in it.

-Realistic acceptance of loss - after fully grieving a loss admitting that there is nothing left to be done but to accept the loss.

-Confessing faith in God- Openly declare and believe that God, your "Higher Power" is stronger and a great source of power to whom you can hand over these things out of your control. This also involves declaring that God is in charge and admitting that you can only do so much and after that it is up to your Higher Power to take over.

Like all things, it is easier said than done.....but then life teaches.....eventually.........and we are here to learn........

Kabhi-kabhi zindaji mein...

2008-07-04T17:42:00.000+05:30

A few lyrics of the "Aditi" song from the latest movie "Jaane tu yaa jane na" ~
The beauty of this song lies in its lovely music...underlying innocence...evident simplicity and the meaningful lyrics...

"Kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yuhi koi apna lagta hai.
Kabhi kabhi Aditi wo bichhar jaaye to ek sapna lagta hai.
Aise mei koi kaise apne aansu o ko behne se roke?
Aur kaise koi sochle everything’s gonna be ok?

Soch jara jaaneja tujhko hum kitna chahte hai.
Rotein hai hum bhi aggar teri ankhon mein aansu aate hai.
Gaane to aata nahi hai magar phir bhi hum gaate hai.
Ke Aditi maan kabhi, kabhi saare jahan mein andhera hota hai;
Lekin raat ke baad hi to sawera hota hai."

Lekin raat ke baad hi to sawera hota hai...
Lekin raat ke baad hi to sawera hota hai...
Lekin raat ke baad hi to sawera hota hai...
(I'm telling this to myself....... :))

"Tu khush hai to lage ke jahan mein chhaayi hai khushi.
Suraj nikle baadlon se aur baatein zindagi.
Suun to jara madhosh hawa tujhse kehne lagi.
Ke Aditi wo jo bichhad-te hai ek na ek din phir mil jaate hai;

Aditi jaane tu ya jaane na phool phir khil jaate hai."

Ke Aditi wo jo bichhad-te hai ek na ek din phir mil jaate hai;Aditi jaane tu ya jaane na phool phir khil jaate hai.
I want to believe it soooooo badly.........!!! :) :)

I also liked the universal appeal of the song....the fact that most of the people would be able to relate with some or the other part of the song....

For the whole day today it was on my lips and i was humming it consciously or unconsciously throughout the day...So definitely this warrents the song a place on my blog ! :)

The fadings...

2008-07-01T12:16:00.000+05:30

A little girl looks at the sky
And cries ~
"The red rose you had planted for me
Does not smile these days,
It does not dance
When the rain sprinkles on it,
It does not laugh
When the wind tickles it,
It does not blush
When I say "You the most beautiful rose in the world.."
Does it not believe in me anymore...?
Its red is turning paler and paler
It days are not over yet,
Then why has its soft petals forgotten to quiver with joy?
What unkown season is it awaiting to rejoice...?"

Looking at the saddened girl
And her paling rose,
A drop of tear trickles down my cheek,
For them and for myself too, sadly,
For in both their fadings
I see a reflection of me...

The essential...

2008-06-25T17:54:00.000+05:30

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur, l'essential est invisible pour les yeux"

- By Antoine de Saint -Exupery in "Le Petit Prince"

This meaningful phrase is spoken by the fox to the little prince in the above mentioned, very popular french book for children, which means ~

One can only see well with the heart. The essential is invisible to the eyes.........

How beautiful and how true....! the air we breath, the fragrance of a flower, feelings of the heart, relations, passions, emotions, warmth of a touch.....are'nt these all invisible? Can we imagine living without these.....?

A matter of trust...

2008-06-25T16:57:00.000+05:30

At times we find ourselves asking "Why" to something bad that happens to us. In a situation like this we tend to curse the person who's done us wrong or we curse ourselves or our destiny or God. But if we analyse such a situation objectively, most of the times there's a hidden learning there ~ a lesson that life wants to teach us through this experience.

I am thinking about this specially because of something bad that happened to me a few days back. It got me thinking into the reasons of why this happened and I needed to understand what was the lesson here. What happened was a situation where I behaved in a particular way trusting someone I didnt know much and on his part he misbehaved with me and broke my trust. I felt humiliated and was angry on him. How could he have behaved with me so loosely? How did I allow myself to get into this mess? And then I started analysing the situation. It was completely wrong on his part to have misbehaved with me, but at the same time wasnt I also at fault in trusting him without knowing him well? Trust requires time to be developed. So on what basis had I assumed that I could trust him?

So while this situation brings out the negativity of his character, it also makes me realize my mistake of being somewhat gullible and naive. It made me realize the true meaning of the word "trust" and its significance and also made me value the people in my life whom I can trust....
I dont know when that person will learn his lesson, but I did learn mine. Its a hard way of learning, but life never was a soft teacher....

Earth's dance

2008-06-08T22:56:00.000+05:30

The rains are here to meet the earth again.... ! Here's an ode to their eternal romance...

What is the monsoon doing to this earth?

In what way is he touching her ?

That from her heart and her soul

Emerald passion is taking birth...

Oh ! hear his roaring and his rumbling,

The passion of his love and his calling,

See her swaying and her swooning,

Careless walk, with graceful stumbling...

Waiting for his love's pouring ~

Of joyous droplets on the misty green,

With hope and joy and affection and sheen,

Dancing now is the rustic queen...

Reflections during the battle...

2008-04-13T10:31:00.000+05:30

The battle is on. It has been going on since the time I took my first breath in this world. Only, that I realized it much, much later. I guess I was sleeping or dreaming all the time, and when I woke up I saw myself surrounded by the enemy’s troops. But by then the enemy had already sabotaged my forces, had spies in my camp and I was left alone to fight this battle. I could have chosen to ignore it all, gone back to sleep and not given a damn about anything. But I chose to fight and here I am ~ finding myself struggling and falling and rising and then again falling…feeling depleted of energy and then recharging myself and coming back with new strategies to combat the enemy. There are times when this whole struggle seems worth and there are times when I feel exhausted and disappointed and gloomy and I feel like dropping my weapons and letting the enemy catch me, tie me up in chains and throw me in some dark cell. Where it would be so dark that nothing would be visible, not even any thoughts. And that would end it all.

But there is something living in me which is not letting me do that, which is pushing me to fight till the last breath. Something in me which says that this struggle will be over, the efforts will be worth and the enemy would be defeated. So I believe and hang on, but I only wish the enemy I am fighting wasn’t my own self.

The lukewarm

2008-03-16T00:53:00.000+05:30

I'm ok with hot,

Burns the lips as it does,

But leaves the touch of a winter sun

I'm ok with cold

As it was meant to be such

Alive with the anticipation of the warmth...

I have a problem with the injury less fall

Neither hot, not cold ~

The lukewarm of it all.

Hold my hand...

2008-02-09T16:59:00.000+05:30

Read this little story somewhere on the internet ~

A Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.The father was concerned for his little girl so he asked his daughter,"Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand.""What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father."There's a big difference," replied the little girl."If I hold your hand and something happens to me,chances are that I may let your hand go.But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,you will never let my hand go."

This small story immediately struck a chord with me.

The moment I read it, I felt that this is what I want to pray to God, Ishwar, Allah or whatever you name that superpower; who looks over us and loves us and cares for us, that ~

"Oh lord, please you hold my hand. I have more trust in your love for me than I have in my love for you.

In this journey of life today I might be holding on your your hand, but there might be times when my eyes would be dazed by the brightness of the petty things around me and I might feel like leaving your hand and touching them.

There might be times when I would be would be attracted towards the hollow fanfare of this world and feel tempted to leave your hand and run after them.

There might be times when I would see victory, success, fame, love, friends, luxury and feel that I dont need to hold on to your hand.

There might be times when I would face failure, dejection, depression and my mind would be clogged with doubts about you and your ways and I would start questioning your whole existence.

In all these times, if I am holding your hand, I might leave it anytime. But if you are holding my hand, I know that whatever happens, you will not let go of my hand, ever...."

My rose...

2008-01-25T16:08:00.000+05:30

Scratched by the thorns,
I come upon a rose ~
Red and warm
With stories untold...
One by one as it's petals I unfold,
I'm touching upon it's heart of gold.....

Can you be in love with two people at the same time?

2008-01-10T15:12:00.000+05:30

Was talking to a friend recently. We started talking about relationships and he popped a question in front of me ~ "Can a person love two people at the same time?" My first and natural response was "Yes, there can be certain situations in which a person can love two people at the same time." He was a little speculative for a moment and then we started talking about other things.

But after that, my mind started working on this thought. I did answer in the affirmative to my friend, but then when I started thinking about it deeply, I started seeing some issues to be explored in this thought. If you love two people at the same time, where would your loyalties lie? what would become of your mental and emotional faithfullness? Which person's expectations would you fulfill ?

At the same time, I was also thinking that if you have had feelings of love for someone at one point of time, does it mean that you have to make a wall around you and not let anyone else's love touch you ? Love has never been not about possessing. It is a spontaneous feeling which takes birth in your heart for someone by itself. It defies all control, rules, logic and any benefit/loss equations.

So then, what is the right perspective? I was thinking over it and suddenly found the key thing ~
A person maybe/can be in love with two people at a time. Time, situation, events can lead to a
situation where he feels the same emotions for two people at the same time, the intensities though may vary. But the important thing here is, that even though the person is having feelings of love for both the people, he cannot be behaving in the same way to both the people. He cannot be expecting the same things from both the people. He cannot be doing the same things for both the people. He can have love for both the people, but he cannot have the same relationship with two people. So essentially, the basic love can be same, but the extension of that love to the two people should be different. One relationship has to take precedent over the other. Difficult though, but he has to make this choice of expression ~ if not for anybody, then for his own peace, truth and the purity of love that he has inside him.

Another chance to get it right...

2008-01-05T16:34:00.000+05:30

New year is here again...time to make new resolutions ~ another chance for us to get it right......

Though it is few days past the new year...but guess not too late for penning down the new year resolutions. Had made a compilation of these mentally on the onset of the year, so here I go announcing these to the world (if anybody does care to listen..!) and even to myself ~

1.Nourish the body ~ exercise regulary, eat right, drink at least 2 litres of water daily

2.Nourish the mind ~ Go back to my old habit of reading...and read quality stuff...read at least 10 good books in the year...

3.Nourish the soul ~ Do more photography with my heart and soul in it...listen to more music....connect more with nature...daily spend some quality time with myself.

4.The last year was a year in which 'He' took steps towards me, made me feel 'His' presence in my life. This year its my turn. By the end of this year I will have formed a connection with 'Him'...

5.Take better care of my parents.

6.Learn to play at least 10 songs on guitar.

7.Travel more ~ see more places...Places on top of my list are:
Places in Gujarat: Patan, Kutch, Somnath, Saputara, Palitana
Places outside Gujarat: Ladakh, Kashmir, Himachal, Gadhwal

8. Create a collection of at least 20 good photpgraphs on at least 5 different themes...

9.hmmmm...would like to keep this one secret..... :)

10.Write more regularly in this blog......this one was surely called for !

One main reason to put these on the blog is that if i do slip on any of these, someone might put me back on track.. :)

Dont look into my eyes...

2007-12-18T15:02:00.000+05:30

The pangs of lonliness
Pull the tears from my disguise
Salty drops of water
Laugh on my life's lies..

I've painted my picture
With glass and colourful dyes
See me through it, if you want ~
But dont look into my eyes...

Ab to...

2007-10-10T12:57:00.000+05:30

Bhatakte kadam

Bojhal aankhein

Sadiyon ki pyaas....

Ab to ye registan khatm kar...... ya phir ye talaash.......

Nothing is permanent except change...

2007-10-06T16:11:00.000+05:30

What was yesterday is not today, what is today will not be tomorrow. We all know it. The good thing about bad things is that they come to an end and the bad thing about good things is that they too come to an end. We all know this too. But then why is it that its so difficult for us to accept changes? Why is it that knowing well the effervescent nature of things, we still want them to last forever?

A beautiful pink rose bud comes on my rose plant. I see it, admire it, see it grow and bloom into a beautiful flower. Love its colours and smell its fragrance. With time the flower dries up and withers away. But why should i cry over its loss, I should be happy that till the time it lasted i could see it, touch it, smell it with my whole being. I have taken in the beauty of that flower so fully and completely that even when it is not there physically, it is living in my senses. This is acceptance of change with grace.

The beauty of sun at the time of sunset is magical, but again it is momentary. The whole drama of the intense colours lasts for a few minutes. The sun is sure to set after that. It would be foolish to wish the play of colours to last forever. But someone with the right thinking would feel grateful for having witnessed such a beautiful phenomenon, for having being one with it, even for only a few moments, and would be able to accept the change of the sun's bright glow to stars' twinkling beauty.

Beautiful, ecstatic moments in life ~ come and go. Without the need to cling on to them and wishing them to last forever, the right way is you feel them, live them, be grateful for them and then cherish them ...

Broken mirror

2007-10-02T08:41:00.000+05:30

I am shattered,
My pieces are scattered,
Dont touch me, I'm in pain,
Dont join me, I dont want to be shattered again..........

Floating...

2007-09-20T17:54:00.000+05:30

Floating in the open sky,

My orange wings dipped in its blue....

Can feel its tenderness and care,

And hear my heart singing too...

Searching for happiness...

2007-09-18T14:43:00.000+05:30

Was feeling low a couple of days back, which had obviously not happened for the first time. Also when i see around me, i find people feeling low, depressed every now and then. It just got me thinking ~ Why are we not as happy as we all should be, as we all deserve to be? Why round the corner of every happy lane, there is sadness hiding to pounce upon us whenever possible?

I think its because we are looking for happiness in the wrong places ~ in achievements, in fun vacations, in our realtionships with other people, in anything that gives a boost to our egos. But the bad news is that however good a vacation, it does end, and however big an achievement is, its joy eventually fades, and however good a realtionship is, it has its bad days.So, when this happens then what do we do? We find ourselves in a state or boredom or depression. Nothing around us interests us. One day we were ecstatic and finding everything perfect and the other day we are low and lost and find nothing worth. This happens because we had centered our happiness on something. When that thing was gone, our happiness also went along with it.

So what is the solution?

I think is to find happiness inside ourselves only. If we are happy and content with ourselves, if we are at peace with our ownself then nothing happening outside us can bother us. We need to free ourselves from all negativities, self doubts and fear of tomorrow; and fill our soul with love and compassion for everyone.

Rather than counting on any materialistic or emotional extravanganza for our happiness, we need to find happiness in the simple things of life ~ a golden sunrise from the window, a warm hug from someone close, listening to the pitter-patter of rains with a hot tea, feeling the breeze play on your face; getting inside a warm bed on a cold night...

When we can feel happy just by looking at a flower blooming or a child playing, we can know that we have touched some chords of the true source of happiness inside us...

Lie and trust…

2007-09-15T18:04:00.000+05:30

How do you react when someone very close to you lies to you, and you know that he is lying ?

I feel there could be two approaches ~

1) Pretend that you dont know that the person is lying, to avoid a situation or avoid the hurt that would follow.
Or

2) Confront the person and tell him on the face that you know the truth.

Since anything that causes hurt, leads to a flared reaction, my normal, instant reaction would have been to feel hurt and tell the person on the face that I know the truth, and ask him why did he have to lie to me….

But on second thoughts, i feel what purpose would that serve? There could be a couple of reasons for which a person would have lied to me. Either he has something to hide, or there's a guilt inside him or he doesnt trust me enough to tell me the truth, or….. maybe all ! In either of the case, isn’t it more about his own negativities? Where am I in this? Why should I confront him on this, and lead to a useless rounds of accusations, defendings and explanations…more negativities….

This leads me another pertinent question ~ Would this situation arise if there is true closeness and honesty between two people? I don’t think so…If two people are really close, none of them would ever find a situation where one has to lie to the other. And even if one does, the other will never ask for any explanations. That is what real trust is all about…

After this introspection, I feel in the above situation there could be a third approach too ~ An approach of trust and forgiveness….

And if I have to choose my reaction, where the other person matters to me, I would choose the third approach. Yes, even if there would be a question on the truth of the closeness from both sides, I would stick to the honesty and trust on my part and choose not ask for any explanations….

Love - winning and losing

2007-09-12T13:55:00.000+05:30

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose ~ the next best.
-William Makepeace

How true...!

Read these line somewhere and it got me thinking. When we talk of 'love', where is any place of 'winning' or 'losing'? Love is not a game where you win or lose. If 'winning' means getting the other person to love you back, then you are not loving, you are satisfying your own ego. If 'losing' means the person not loving you back equally then too, what is your loss? You love not to get into a business deal, where you give something to get something in return. You love because you cant help it. Beacuse love is that stream of joy which flows from your heart by itself. If its love that we are talking about, then it should be like that stream ~ just happy to be flowing....

Blow the candles...

2007-09-10T22:44:00.000+05:30

Blow the candles…
And celebrate the birth of a death
Blow them off,
Before it lives for another illusion

Blow the candles…
And let the darkness stab my heart
Blow them off
And let the smoke choke my soul

Blow the candles…
And end the games
Of the wicked flame,
My weary eyes are tired now………

If only I could find a cupboard
I’d get in quietly,
And sleep in it forever.........

The end

2007-09-10T11:01:00.000+05:30

With nothing to smile for,
Everyday I tell myself a new lie...
With nothing to live for,
Why dont i die......??
The day has ended
Much before the night,
The music's over
I want to turn off the light.................

Journey or destination...

2007-09-08T12:26:00.002+05:30

Parallel tracks of the train ~
Moving together, what do they gain..?
Talking to them without a mask,
"Do you ever meet" I had to ask.

"Does it matter?" the return question
"Do you believe in journey or destination?
Together so much in every terrain,
We shine in the same sun,
And gleam in the same rain;
Still alone in our own way
Never coming in each other's way,

Far in the horizon we may seem to be nearer,
But here in the now we are together;
Any dream is alive till it shatters,
Ours is living, isn't that all that matters?"

I nod in agreement with them and with me,
Yes, it's not the destination, its always the journey...

Love is not a relationship...

2007-09-08T12:26:00.000+05:30

Came across this beautiful passage about 'love and relationship' by OSHO.....liked it and could completely relate to it ~

LOVE IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. Love relates, but it is not a relationship. A relationship is something finished. A relationship is a noun; the full stop has come, the honeymoon is over. Now there is no joy, no enthusiasm, now all is finished. You can carry it on, just to keep your promises. You can carry it on because it is comfortable, convenient, cozy. You can carry it on because there is nothing else to do. You can carry it on because if you disrupt it, it is going to create much trouble for you… Relationship means something complete, finished, closed.

Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not like a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. Lovers end, love continues– it is a continuum. It is a verb, not a noun. And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to relationship? Why are we in such a hurry? Because to relate is insecure, and relationship is a security. Relationship has a certainty; relating is just a meeting of two strangers, maybe just an overnight stay and in the morning we say goodbye. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow?

You are in love with a woman or a man and immediately you start thinking of getting married. Make it a legal contract. Why? How does the law come into love? The law comes into love because love is not there. It is only a fantasy, and you know the fantasy will disappear. Before it disappears settle down, before it disappears do something so it becomes impossible to separate.

In a better world, with more meditative people, with a little more enlightenment spread over the earth, people will love, love immensely, but their love will remain a relating not a relationship. It will not be guaranteed by the law, by the court, by the policeman. The guarantee will be inner. It will be a commitment from the heart. It has not even to be verbalized, because to verbalize it is to profane it. It has to be a silent commitment; eye to eye, heart to heart, being to being. It has to be understood, not said...

I'm orange and you are blue...

2007-08-30T11:00:00.000+05:30

The mosaic of all colours
Fighting for space,
Are suddenly quiet today...

"I'm orange and you are blue,
And purple is the blend of the two"
Is resonating in yesterday...

Today I have opened my eyes to see ~
A white dove flying on a deep blue sea
The orange sun is shining through,
Painting the dove a golden hue

Flying in this golden white light,
Now the dove has attained a newer height,
The mosaic of colours are merged today,
Into a pure, white, calm ray.....
Blending in itself my orange and your blue,
Filling my soul with a fragrance new

Breathing that fragrance and thinking white,
I fill my eyes with the dove's flight
But yes, this also remains true,
Whenever I'll see blue,
I'll think of you...

When the music's over...

2007-08-29T15:05:00.000+05:30

The pitter-patter of the rain goes on,
I strain my ears to hear a song....

But the song has ended, and I must realize
Destiny has again rolled her dice....

Every sound's fading one by one,
Getting lost in oblivion

Pained existence has resurfaced
A jigsaw of memories to be put in place

When the music is over, a silence piles
Muffles the soul and strangles the smiles

Teary eyed my heart cries,
Bit by bit as the music dies............

Nice to meet you Harry Potter...

2007-08-08T14:55:00.000+05:30

Just finished reading the first book of Harry Potter; when the whole world already has raved, raged and finally done with even the last book of the series! So, after reading the book, when most of the people would have taken the short cut of watching the movie, now i officially belong to the section of the world where harry potter is revered, you-know-who is feared, where cats have names like Mr. Norris and owls with their postman service have found some utility for their existence on this planet. Where there are two completely different worlds existing together~ one ~ plain, simple, conventional, monotonous world of us humans (who are called muggles) and another exciting, magical, always-full-of-surprises world of wizards and witches ! And i realise to my major disappointment that i belong to the unexciting world of the humans, which i share with the likes of Uncle Vemon, Aunt Petula and Dudley, and worse still i am also a muggle !

It must be obvious to the reader by now that i am getting fixed on the harry potter mania, which honestly speaking, i had not expected even by the time i was half way through the book. But by the time i have finished it, I have somehow developed an affinity with that magical world and its characters. I have developed a liking for the bravery and truth of the character of harry, the mischieviousness and wit of ron, the intelligence and know-all attitude of hermione, the funny comments and the twinkle of dumbeldore's eyes. I also liked how snape's character was framed and how it changes shades by the end, and also noticed how much scope there is left by the writer for many more changes in his character. At this point i believe, that in the remaining books after harry potter's character his character is the one which will evolve the maximum.

So, after finishing the first book, i am having a desire to know what happens next. But before that i would definitely want to see the movie made on the first book. And see how the characters, scenes and situations are picturised in the movie vis-a-vis as described in the book and also vis-a-vis as imagined by me in my mind. Guess, it should be fun.

The plant of me ~

2007-08-05T13:08:00.000+05:30

Wonder where the end would be,
Of the restless wanderings of my mind,
Of the relenltess searchings of my soul,
For myself, my fulfillment,
My sensibilities, my sensitivities,
My inside, my essense,
My search........
For a river of passions and imaginations,
To flow in ~
And water the plant of me......

A kaleidoscope rotated ~ The first rotation

2007-08-02T15:15:00.001+05:30

A kaleidoscope rotated ~ Had been wanting to keep this name for my photography exhibition. But since due to few reasons could not keep it, so ~ here i go making it the name of my blog ! :-) But off-course, that is not the only reason. Since the time i had seen a kaleidoscope in my childhood, i have been fascinated by it...with its bright colours and the beautiful shapes... ! and as i grew older my fascination with the kaleidoscope extended to the fact that at any given point of time when a kaleidoscope is rotated, there are endless possibilities of the combination of colours and shapes to create a pattern...with each rotation a bright, colourful, unique new pattern is churned out.

The randomness of the possibilities is a kicker...!

Isnt it something like our mind..? Do we ever know at what point of time which pieces of glass will fall where and how, and which thoughts will take shape on our minds....?

In this blog, hoping to pen down the rotations of my mind's kaleidoscope and see for myself which colours of me have creates which shapes..................

The randomness of possibilities remains a kicker here too.....!